vaneigem's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHAT TO TAKE AND WHAT NOT TO TAKE

Also in a made-up effort to try to get away from my usual emotional bombs, lets go to... accessories and things.
Some things

- i want the new prada scent. so good! i wasi n the bay a couple months ago and this man came up to me and was like ohh huh huh try this try this and i am nutso at the perfume counters so bring it on, brother. i put my used perfume sample sheet things in my wallet. i no longer want coco chanel. it is too classic for me. i love smelling it though, reminds me of my sister.
- australian fashion magazines seem to know what the fuck is up
- apc winter coats for men. geoff is getting this green one i think and it is sooo nice, although he already has really nice ones
- geoff got me a really nice shirt for my birthday a few years ago and i haven't worn it once, and only until today that i feel like i am excited to wear it. he must be 3 years ahead of me on the fashion shit. i wouldnt be surprised
- i have so many clothes that i think are just totally unshoppable. i have realized. i need to do something about my BOOKS AND PAPERS, and also all of my CLOTHES. i have little storage space so i have to tuck everything away. I love die to have a walk-in closet. oh my god. die. i know it sounds so fucking dumb but seriously. i find i buy clothes based on the pieces and i don't think about ways to construct outfits, and ijust end up wearing jeans and a tshirt. i have lots of good clothes but don't wear many of them. i am interested in fashion, in a certain, very narrow way, so when it's not all out there for me, i just don't care. but i like picking what is out there, for me. if you know what im saying.
- i am using infusium deep conditioning moisture shampoo/conditioner adn i love dove's body wash the yellow bottle, i think it is some sort of citrus energy splash or something. - really though, book shelves. fucking books everywhere. fucking papers, everywhere. - i want to get a HUGEEEEE, TALL bookshelf and maybe get rid of my other shitty ikea shitfest thing. i still like it, it is just a piece of shitfest quality fest of fucky shit. so fuck it. - i think that's it. i like my necklaces. i want a snake bracelet. i want to make more necklaces. the elements of style in typography book? is that supposed to be good?
-i need more socks
- and sexy lingerie / bras. i have functional bras and some sexy ones but not enough so bring them on. i do not settle in this department
-dandelion nars?
- no diet coke? quitting for alexa, replacing with perrier? so far i had two today... fuck. i am fucking addicted and it is fucking gross and sad. no more!!! YOU TELL ME YOU LIKE THE TASTE.. YOU JUST NEED AN EXCUSE, YOU TELL ME IT CALMS YOUR NERVES... YOU JUST THINK IT LOOKS COOL!!!!!!
- i'm going to montreal soon but it should be less stupid once my mind gets used to the idea. maybe my mom will take me to nyc . that would be ideal. my ideal trip going to nyc is fucking going with my mom. yeah you heard me - MY MOM. i dont care about partying with friends or whatever the fuck. i want to fucking shop. get out of my face, i'm shopping. i will get drunk at night and meet new york people i don tknow.i want a mom type of hotel and have wholesome mom daughter fun in new york city. and also to go to top shop? it seems like it's kind of shitty thouhg, like too good to be true, and maybe that's the tooth. - goodbye --------------- I began thinking today, after having lived a month of in the profession that I am getting myself into, how happy I am with everything. I pulled this shit off with ease and finesse, sorry I have to say, and whatever. I come home, relax, clean a bit make a nice meal, listen to music and read and do what I love to do and then go to work and do waht I love to do there.

I am really... happy, and content right now, just the way things are. Sure, I want some things to change but I'm slowly beginning to "not care." My past self would be, "to not fucking care." but there is not hostility. I've stopped waiting for anything. I'm living more in the present. It's kind of fucked. You spendyour life in your respective school institution waiting for the next step in life, and once you get tehre you move onto thinking about the next step. At least that was me. And now i feel like I haven't come at the end of the road or anything, but I've finished the race and now I can go for a nice walk and do what I really want to do.

It dawned on me in the kitchen when I was making banana bread. Here I am in probably a less ideal situation for any 24 year old girl, but I am pumped. I love my roommates, I love my cute little apartment despite its kitchen florescent lighting, I'm cool with dating, I'm cool with having a cat that visits sometimes instead of owning one, I'm cool with myself, I've never really gotten down about how I look except I feel I need to shed pounds a little more at certain times, which I'm feeling now and plan on doing. starting tomorrow, because we ordered a pizza tonight. Shame and death upon my soul.

There are some novels I want to read
That Tessa one.
And Tolstoy
I want to re-read Tristram Shandy. If you are going to read any old novel-ly boringish "must have" read ever, tristram shandy is the best. An old old british man taught me some cool stuff. It is benenficial to be a little crazy while being a teacher. This makes me feel comfortable.

I lay in my bed totally just "Whatever." I could be the loneliest individual in the world and not really get it because I feel totally... content. Maybe it is aweird emotional high.

I need to phone my parents tonight.. oh shit I forgot. I wll have to do so tomorrow. I miss my cat. I enjoy drinking tea, having a bubble bath, exfoliating and moisturizing. Reading a magazine, an article, a recipe, and entering sweet slumber.

I got the bad day the other day from pgs and I"m glad I did because I couldn't make it out ot the show. I'm glad I have some of the interviews I do. I thoroughly regret not having gone to canzine. A part of me is really interested and another is totlaly bored by the idea...a part of me wishes I was closer with more creative people. I tend to choose people based on humour than anything else. Whcih is ultimately good for my mood, but not really for my creative stuff. I feel weird even separating it as "creative stuff". How odd that I can separate it like this.

Whateva da fuck.

I'm going to bed so early and this week should be nce. I am back to school like never before. It should be okay seeing everyone again. I mostly just feel now like a hunter. I am on a mission when I am there. My job is to sieve out the bullshit and get to the real diamonds.I"m no longer there to reflect and share, I'm there to mothafuckin take. I know what I want to do. fI mean, I will share, but my job is primarily to take. I'm not paying to share. I have an idea exactly what I want to take, and what I don't want to take.

10:00 pm - 11.24.08

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next