vaneigem's Diaryland Diary

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UGLY AS POSSIBLE

last night ashley and i watched various rnb videos and recorded all of our commentary. it got a little messy as we were drinking and it inevitably got incredibly dirty involving balls talk. then i got dressed and that wasn't a good idea. welcome to my journal nad hwo reallly cares

today was really weird. we were walkinga round, i had a sandwich throughout the day. one half at lunch and the other at dinner, and then met up with jake, had coffee, and i felt so lightheaded. i felt like i was about to faint. i felt really drunk and was gripping the walls to walk. i stopped at geoffs and he gave me a couple granola bars. eh was going to make me eat three but luckily i felt a lot better. i'm eating macaroni and cheese.... cheesalicious. i am trying ot eat a little better these days as i have been eating like SHIT the past while and i'mnot doing so good withthis shitty macaroni meal. i got this greens+ stuff and it's amazing. since c has moved out, we havent had a a) coffee maker b) microwave and c) dvd player and it's funny how they seemed like fairly essential things. i could care less if i got any of those back. microwaves kind of freak me out anyway. anyway my point is that i havent bene having coffee much and this greens+ has super increased my energy levels. i take it because i hate spinach and lettuce and anything salady, despite my effort to love or even like it, andi t's a nice solution. its expensive shit though, i probably will never bea ble to afford it ever again.

music is going lately. i was at a party a couple wekends ago and some girl there who i dont know asked me randomly if i was a singer and i said "no i wish" and i asked alexis why she thought so and he said i had a unique voice and would make a good singer. which is funny but it was a really nice thing to say considering it is my hugest weakness. i have a bit of a speech impediment and speak with a lot of nasal-ness but i have never felt self conscious about that. i am kind of at a learning curve as i have a new computer and new stuff to use. thankfully this allows me to input things more organically and i no longer have to rely on programs. the only programme involved is essentially a metronome unless i wanted it any other way, i have that option. that made no sense but deal with it. i think i am going to redo some of my stuff. i have a lot of work to do. i have 12 good ones and i could compile 3 into one in some parts but still keep it simple. i may just start something new because it is almost a challenge to do these songs organically. there is the performance incentive... nce i finished this album in a few years, i don tknow how i would perform it live. i'm more interested in the act of doing it than performing the product over and over but i guess im still doing it if i'm performing the product. uhhh
i basically want to get on the wagon and do this shit and start playing shows
i feel performing in the same way as i do as an "artist," i have a weird feeling about attaching my name or "my self" to anything. it is hard for me to see myself as an essential thing. essentially, i am nothing. i am a changing figure shifting around in a very small portion of the changing world. i am spontaneous and free, or at least would like to be, and wouldn't want to push it any other way. i like the idea of coming to a town in which you know no one and perofrming to them and they have no fucking idea who you are. that is what i love. i guess i am a bit of a hermit and dont want to be associated with anything. that is an awesome idea to me.
the whole music thing is really occupying my mind lately, besides the banal tasks of the day such as doing the dishes and squeezing out the sponge adn wiping the counter down. besides waking up brushing my teeth washing my face and having a shower. besides taking part in my academic, social, and political responsibilities. in that order, overlapping.

i am really intrigued by colours and patterns. i am interested in
watching other couples and how boring they look, but probably tehy are not
crying
iam interested in not so much orgasms as i am in prolonging them
i am interested in starting a new zine and also activism in platypus. i
am interested in figuring out my activist working philosophy in that one class.
i am interested in food, cooking, baking, and home maintenance.
i am interested in becoming acquainted with power tools, drilling, fixing, installing shelves and becoming my own electrician.
i am interested in smoking big joints
i am not so interested in drinking alcohol
i am interested in debit card fraud from the victim's perspective.
i am interested in how a "beethoven dog" can make me smile because he/she is so mothafucking cool
it is kindo f like watching andrew w k. i am interested in that andrew w k video, even though i dont like his music, i am intersted in how awesome he is when epople are throwing shit at him, and he is like "it's okay! it's okay!" and going on like this in ways that i cannot replicate because i am not AWK and he.... is
i am interested in child manifestations of awesome adults.
i am inteterested in drinking water out of wine glasses and ahsley claling me WINEO. i am intersted in installing a light, opening new sexual frontiers. i am intersted in this thing you call a magazine subscription where you magically get an exciting magazine in your mail box each month wihtout having to leave your house. i am interested in this macaronia nd cheese despite probably ads and other assholes performing some fucked up loser mindcontrol on my brain that i should be eating better. i am interested in the health industry and the construction of scientific fact supporting mind control.
mind control
flowers
sailboats
fucking off
skipping class
dreaming of calling a teacher a stupid asshole and "are you kidding me"
blarghs
sun hitting me naked
i am interested in my current living situation as probably one of the best
painting
doing art again
consciously?
is that lame to say?
i am interested in lameness, boring shit, and being normal
i am intersted in walking around with paint on my face and my shirt off and buying flowers from homeless ladies for 5 cents who picked them from the yuppie family up the street
i am interested in girls who stare at themselves blankly in the washroom
i am interested in men deserving washroom stalls for all purposes
i am interested in the 2 outfits i wear everyday despite haivng tons of clothes
i am intersted in more dresses
the beach meadows lakes any area of vastness
hormone pills you mark the days WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY with a pill under each day nad you take th epill and look to make sure that you have taken the pill. you check the next day and see the little empty pills as a job well done on your part. i picture litlte A+! Excellent! on the packs. funny???
i am interested in the goal of not giving a shit as much as possible, in fact, to look as ugly as possible,anything goes

goodbye

11:56 pm - 09.28.08

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