vaneigem's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHY IS IT SO WRONG TO BE SURE? I feel like there is some impending doom about to take over my life but I'm jsut trying to ride the wave. Today was the first day of summer, right? I'd have to check to be 100% sure, I"ll admit. I slept in and had a horrible dream. The guy who plays the CHarlie Chaplin impersonator from Mister Lonely was my boyfriend and he did these horrible things to me. Shit went down in the supermarket. I can't remember much else... it was strange. He was revolting. Growing up, and even now, I have been torn between being absolutely enamoured or repulsed by men. I saw A Real Young Girl last week, and I think that is what I kind of liked about it. It made me thinka bout all of these things.My first sexual experience was very positive and awesome and it came very easily and it was all very uncomplicated yet wonderous. I feel very lucky for that. Just talking with some of my girlfriends, I feel very privileged to have had sex with someone who I loved and was respectful and that it was otherworldly-ish. I immediately loved sex, or whatever. "Sex." I am 100% confident in that department. I am either very in love or comfortable with the male body or I just want to shiver in disgust. There is a line and you are either on one side or the other. I guess. With women I remember being in swimming class really young and seeing them shower and just being kind of grossed out by all the hair on their vaginas. THe hair is what really grossed me out. I remember they used to just like hang out naked together in the changeroom , brushing their hair and talking about their husbands and it really grossed me the hell out. In the day Ashley and I went out to the Bloor street thing that was going on. I had no plans and thought what the hell. We got pops at the store, my beloved corner store. I know you totlaly have your devoted corner store throne of loyalty too. The Diet Root Beer XPress. The Rold Gold Rush of Pretzle Goldmining. We watched this guy do crazy shit with flaming torches. He got a cute little boy to do this cute stuff and talked to him like an adult and had everyone clap for him and he was so cute. There were cute dogs out galore. We saw a really funny "all girl punk alternative" band play. We got lunch and sat on the steps and watched these women play. It was totally funny. They were like 35 and had pink hair and shit. They were cool shit! The doctor guy from Jurassic Park was the MC. At least it sure did look like him!! Then we walked down past Hits & Miss, the punk store, and this awesome band was playing outside. They were amazing! It was good times. I felt good about summer. We went home and I chilled and then met Jordan adn Geoff and we had a drink. Geoff looked very nautical. Him and JOrdan look so much alike that it's kind of funny to hang out with them both. Then I headed on down to meet Josef John Jill etc at Little Tibet for dinner. It was good to see everyone Ian ended up coming and I love Ian. These people are all geniuses from school that I know and have somehow maintained relationships with. They are just some of the most interesting people ever. We have good dinner conversation. They are totally awesome people to talk politics with or current affairs or whatever the fuck. Most are pretty hardcore environmentalists. They have cool, crazy jobs adn are nice, kind people, adn they put up with my giggly-ness. So it was cool. Now I"m home and I"m not going out. I feel weird lately. I have actually been living in the country for the majority of this month, but I'm back now. I may be going away again mid next week. I just needed to get away and I'm so so happy out there. I feel it really puts life in perspective for me. I feel so much more creative and ready to do stuff and getting shit done. Getting the job done. I'll talk more about those days in the next entry probably. I just wanted to say that tanning topless ina meadow isthe best thing Ive ever done. It feels totally amazing. I am totlaly high fiving any lady walking around topless this summer. Damn right girl. I have a really good new song that I have to restructure! I'm getting a bit better. 1:04 am - 06.22.08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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