vaneigem's Diaryland Diary

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KARIN ISMAEL

Today is today! I had a slice of banananana bread and a cup of coffee. I'm trying to get all the things I've been putting off to be done but I'm extremely tired. I figured out OISE who is being very elusive lately. Ontario Instutitue for STudies in Elusiveness.

I cut my finger really bad on Saturday night and I had to go to ER. I got stitches in a hospital hallway becuase there were no rooms left to be operated in. I sat in a hallway with a table as people rushed past me. The nurse asked me "How much of a fainter are you?" and I really had no idea. This stuff never happens to me.
The last time I was in a hospital was when I was in kindergarten, my tragic tricycle collision with a wagon. I recall doctors peering over me debating whether I was to be given Stitches or SteriStrips. They decided on steristrips, which was disappointing to me as it sounded more painful for some reason.
Well it seems my life has come full circle because this time it was no question that I get stitches. I got two needles and they hurt like I haven't experienced in a long time, possibly ever! I said "SHHHHHHH!!!!!!," trying not to say the "Shit" word. I got all frozen up and I watched her stitch my two hanging pieces of flesh back into a finger. One piece of flesh was totally white and it looked like it was total deadso. I got paranoid that my finger was dead and that I had officially lost a finger like my childhood best friend's older brother from sticking it in one of those outdoor fan things. But it's alive!!! I watched as she stitched the finger up and I held my finger up, watching it gush out blood. It was very defamiliarizing to see my finger in pain and not be in pain. It is a lonely feeling being in the emergency room by yourself but I think I was pretty strong and cool about it once I got there. Anyway I'm okay now! Just have to say that Ontario healthcare is a motherfucking wreck. I mean, I got operated on in a hallway. I saw that they had made makeshift hospital rooms with curtains throughout thewhole waiting room area.

Lars and the Real Girl ended up being good. I kind of have a weird little crush on Ryan Gosling. The Ellen interview is so cute! He has like a New York accent or something that I can't put my severed finger on. Half Nelson aftershock amybe. Anyway Emily Mortimer is in Lars too, who I really love, and who you will love too, if you see Dear Frankie. One of my favourite scenes in a movie ever is when she meets with her son's ("Frankie") asshole father (who made Frankie deaf). That is the most intense moment ever. Her character is awesome.

I'm really excited to be a mom. I'm also excited to write a book and make art and be a teacher and learn more but to be honest I think I'm most excited about being a mom. And to be the best mom I have to do all that other stuff, so we're good, priorities.

I'm tired and depressed and sad. Life is actually on the surface going perfectly for me, but there seems like something is wrong. Either wayI hope everyone else is good andkeep it together.

3:30 pm - 05.13.08

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