vaneigem's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The past is more real than the present. There is a humiliating hypocrisy in, perhaps, half of those who spend the majority of their energy exhibiting indifference. They are those who tend to, deep down, care the most. They have something antagonistic or coy to say about every living and inanimate thing, place, purpose, job, mindset, phrase, word, person, image, sound, and thought. They erase everything around them and sit in a vat of their own self-induced vomit. I'm sometimes paralyzed by contemptuous silence, are you? I discovered an amazing video store today- Bay St. Vid. It is the best place I have ever been. I mean, in terms of video stores. The atmosophere at first feels like you're walking into an Amateur Adult Video store, and you second guess yourself. Once you adjust to their fluorescent lighting and odd film organization, you realize it's ultimately superior. It demands you have some sort of knowledge of what you're looking for, it forces you to search and explore, and to care. They care, that's for sure. Any film you ever wanted, they have it. Following the activation of my membership (i rented the tv version of Fanny and Alexander), the video clerk delivered an obligatory 2-minute lesson on how to extract and re-install the cd into its cd case. The Charm in the Most Uncharming Place on Earth. I came home and cleaned my palace. No one has bene home all night. I indulged in a feast of all of my favourite snacks while watching initally what I planned to be the First Act only of F&A, but once again I got sucked into the vortex that is my favourite film of all time. I doubt on a per centage of approximately 98.4% that any film could ever impact me deeper than this one. Of Tarkovsky films, Bergman (the director of F&A), said this: I suddenly found myself before a door to which I had never had the key. A room which I had always wished to penetrate and wherein he felt perfectly at ease. Someone was able to express what I had always wished to say without knowing how. I aimed to prepare my lecture today, but I had no time. I tutored. My horoscope is fuckedly accurate, as I have mentioned. It still is, more than ever before. I was warend that people I work with and any other partner would be experiencing minor stresses today, and it would be best to step off to the sidelines and not to touch anything touchy. Geoff was like this today and so was Ruben, the young boy that I tutor. It was so strange. I often give Ruben and Sab conversation breaks from their studies so as to not overexert them. On a break he made Sab spell APPLE because if you spell it, it sounds like an offensive phrase in Portuguese. Elementary school was terrifying. My house looks beautiful. I placed a balsam sprig on the music book on our bookshelf. I phoned my parents out of fear. I had written my mom a laconic rather rude email in response to her weird control-freak pressures. Her excessive support often crosses into the Stressful Pressure Land. She hadn't responded to me and I was afraid I would get shit for it. I was nervous to call, but there was no mention of it. We had a pleasant conversation about some things. My dad talked to me for about 10 minutes on how to fix my oven. I let him because it gives him a sense of purpose. I wanted to make geoff a lamb dinner and sweet potato frites last night, but our oven is broken like I just said. I don't know shitall about cooking meat, so I decided to wait until the oven was fixed. Instead I made him Raspberry Apple Oatmeal Yogurt Whole Wheat Muffins. Raspberry Mud Puppies, I think I'll call them. He ate about 7 of my mud puppies in one sitting. His cuteness is sometimes overwhelming. This grown man sitting on my bed with messy hair eating muffins. Last night we watched a bunch of arrested Development. It was funny. We had passionate sex long beforehand and I was in good euphoric spirits. Usually I dont mention this sort of stuff but lately I am, which is strange. I feel kind of seedy doing so. There also isn't any word for "passionate sex", I mean how cheesy and impersonal and uncomfortably revealing. We are individuals and together way more magical than any words could reveal or imply. So I think I'll stop. Maybe no Maybe so. I plan to go to bed, have an early rising, research and prepare my lesson, and do some shopping, and then finish my lesson prep and get in some good reading. I'll make myself some teas and coffees and live reflectively, indulgently, and in quiet happy solitude as usual. 3:37 am - 01.15.08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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