vaneigem's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ABIES BALSAMEA
I'm also pretty still into the Shangri-Las even more intensely than ever. Right now my two favourite Shangri-Las song as Remember (Walking in the Sand) and Wishing Well. I am pretty in love with them I guess. Tonight I asked Geoff what is in his cd player right now, because he has this huge offset of music he likes that I know NOTHING about and it's pretty fun to learn about from time to time. THen he asked me and I said Shangri-Las, Francoise Hardy, and I can't remember what else. Mainstream old chilled out music. I like the tin can sound of Mary Weiss. Last night I started The Mists of Avalon, because I finished the book two days ago that I had been working on over the Holidays. That book made me cry twice before finishing it. I thought it was pretty great, and it was a good easy holiday read. The Mists of Avalon is a fantasy book of the legends of King Arthur told from the perspective of women, namely "Morgaine": For this was a great secret, which was known to all educated men in our day: that by what men think, we create the world around us, daily new. And now the priests, thinking that this infringes upon the power of their God, who created the world once and for all to be unchanging, have closed those doors (which were never doors, except in the minds of men), and the pathway leads only to the priests' Isle , which they have safeguarded with the sound of their church bells, driving away all thoughts of another world lying in the darkness. Indeed, they say that the world, if it indeed exists, is the property of Satan, and the doorway to Hell, if not Hell itself. I do not know what their God may or may not have created. In spite of the tales that are told, I never knew much about their priests and never wore the black of one of their slave-nuns. Geoff and I are going to the Power Plant soon to see the Leave the Hall exhibition. I went to teh toronto boards site, soemone said it sucked, but with nothing to defend it so I mean what is there to lose. Going to a message board always reminds me that I really hate a lot of people in a lot of ways. Today I taught my classes and it was pretty fun. The kids were fucking hilarious beyond words. There is this kid Anthony in one of my classes who is just so funny. I can't believe how much fun I have and how much I learn everyday, and that eventually I'm going to actually get paid pretty well doing this. It is tough and they can be real fucking assholes sometimes, but whatever. I have a lot of empathy for kids who can't really pay attention.I can barely pay attention 100% on my days that I'm just observing. SOmetimes I wonder if I have a mild to medium case of ADHD. I'm trying to get a job right now with a magazine in whcih I act as an advocate for creative writing groups and authors in the community to come in and run workshops in schools all over the city. I saw the posting yesterday, and the position starts on January 14 so it might be too late to apply. They have probably already found someone infact. But I am fucking perfect for the job in everyway and it is also with a pretty cool literary magazine. Timing I think will fail me on this one, but I"ll put in my stuff tomorrow anyway. Babylon got his hair cut. He looks less kurt cobainy. Speaking of hair I'm not sure what happened over the past 5 years but my hair has turned naturally wavy borderline curly and it's nice and versatile to have I think. My hair flows to halfway down my back at this point so I guess it's haircut time eventually I dont know. Describing my own hari as " flowing" down half o fmy back was just sort of a ajoke, I guess a non-funnyt joke. I was thinking of going dark blonde for awhile just to switch it up and confuse myself. I have a short blonde wig for my alter ego, CICI. And halloween I guess. I haven't started a painting or drawing. I guess there rae just so many little things to do that it's hard to get anything huge done. Mark and I had a conversation about this today. I had a pretty disturbing dream last night featuring my arch-nemesis, but it was shot like a film, really creative direction. The only part I really remember is when lens... the dream camera... follows her, with her hands over her eyes, as she sinks underwater. It was a sunny day and it felt like a Norwegian lake. I wrote another dream down which I now remember going through it all. I was given a mission to "Bring vocalities to Veranda." Vocalities, in the semantic realm of my dreamworld, meant a type of flower similar to a lily except purple and other colours. I called Jason and Melda and Jason was going to bring over a new clothes-dresser for me. A dresser to hold my clothes. Okay, I mean a chest of drawers. I brought Melda a box of an unknown present out of gratitude, and she was acting mean to me so I said fuck this and brought my present inside because I decided to be mean and not give it to her. I went back to my house and noticed a variety of Melda's relatives were in my house. My instincts led me to ask them all if they'd like something to drink or eat, confusedly. One woman asked for Bilberry tea and I said I didn't have that and we had a minute deliberation of what kind of tea she should have. I fed her Summer Berry tea. Many of the relatives had rashes and burn marks all over their faces. One woman started talking to me about her burn marks and how she didn't like them, and I started lying saying I have had something similar, and oh I knew a friend who had it MUCH WORSE to make her feel better, even though I totally didn't. I was lying really horribly saying "I.. I mean.. my friend... actually it was ME!" and she totally bought it all. In each room a group of 3+ relatives sat and hung out. Their faces were all of people who were at the drkae from the night before. One gave me a pet snake as a gift. Another pulled the toilet out of my washroom and there was a hole in the floor. Water starting spewing out of the hole, but the water was solid like the consistency of jelly. You could pull the streams out like swords. Someone did something to Simba, and this really pissed me off, and I flipped. i realized that I hadn't seen Melda yet all her relatives were there pissing me off while I treid to entertain them. I asked someone and they said they had left. I had to get my vacuoles for Veranda. I flipped and said everyone had to leave. I told two rooms and then went to cry in a room and I tld Nick about what had happened. Nick got a look on his face and told me that everyone was just playing pranks on me and it was all intentional. Then everyone had a real party and laughed about it except for me. THere was some whoel other-worldly aftermath but I didn't write it down. Axl came into Toronto on Saturday, so I hung out with Blvl people in Toronto all night. He is leaving for 4 months to go to work for some organizations in some pretty dangerous countires like Colombia and Peru. I am going to be really worried about him. M&T came, and they got in an inevitable fight, Anna texted me earlier " How many times will they break up tonight?" And they did, I guess, so it was funny but shitty. But too bad becuase out of all M's girlfriends Tiff is my favourite and everything is good with us and she is no longer jel, finally. We had a pretty good talk. It was nice to spend some time with Axl before he left and he asked me for my address, which I thought was pretty nice. He only had a couple of addresses. His ex-girlfriend who he is now still good friends with is so shitty to him. She didn't even remember his birthday. I baked him a vegan cake because she is vegan and was like " oh yeah! it was his birthday..." I felt bad for him. I talked to her later and made sure she gave him her address, and she said he hadn't asked for it. Which kind of weirded me out a bit. I think that Axl and I have a special friendship. He is probably my favourite. I think him and Geoff would get along well. OVerall, the night was really fun and aweosme. I had the most beautiful walk home last night. The weather has been warmish, for winter especially, so I really feel like it warrants some sort of celebration. Walking down the street I could smell the christmas trees, I saw not a graveyard but I smelled the smell of Christmas, of the balsam fir. It is one of my most favourite smells. I walked down the street, everything was still and peaceful and silent and it felt like some sort of personal revolution. Did I tell you that I'm changing my life? I am. I'm not sure how but I am, but it started yesterday. Slowly but surely. I'm contorting my face. I'm having sex like whoa. I have more to talk about, about Platypus, and everythting, but it's late and I'd like to read some more of Mists, go to bed, and live my life. 3:38 am - 01.09.08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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