vaneigem's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DUNGEON SUPERMALL Setting aside wherever "sick as a dog" comes from, I am just that. Yesterday I started feeling really really sick, and I think it's the flu. My head feels like a million pounds but I've been watching movies all day and will probably sleep quicker if I write in this before I go to bed. My dream last night was crazy. The dream cut in and out to scenes that did not flow at all. At one point I was in the top bunk of a bed inside a store that was decorated like a bedroom inside a dungeon mall. IT was a shopping mall but it was decorated like a dungeon, except for this room, which looked like a group of bunkbeds from some hellish summer camp. I am inthe top bunk with Shawn, and things get awkward and high tension and he wants me to touch his balls. My hand got really close to his balls and then I was like "Sorry I"m married," and began thinking about Jordan. I was married to Jordan. I think this is directly from a movie I watched that day, A LEague of Their OWn, where Jimmy scratches his balls for an hour and beautiful Geena Davis says this line to the baseball scout, "I'm married." Next thing that happens is that I'm walking around with my dad and we get dinner at a sushi place. The waitress was taking a really long time getting our bill, she was just standing there hanging out. My dad went up to her and said, "You're not really working at all are you?" And she said, "No, just slackin off." I leave my dad and walk around an area which looks like the old part of U of T by VIC college. There is a cubby hole type of door and I knock on it. A crazy white-haired professor type opens the door and I say, "I"m looking for Frankenstein," and he lets me in. The room is full of bubbling potions and there are several black coffins and lit torches, but we were talking like we were on a kids network channel all SunshineLollypops. In the middle of it all was a lowgrade microsoft pc, and I got kinda bored to be there. I wanted to kill Frankenstein, but he convinced me to have compassion for those in coffins. I felt it and bam I'm back at the dungeon mall. I said again, "I'm married to Jimmy," I think because the guy's name in that League of their own movie is Jimmy, but then Jimmy as in my friend jimmy came along and we give each other mean looks for some reason, from the top of my bunk bed and then I say, " I mean Jordan" . Then I'm at my sister's work, which looks like it's in a building from 2093 or something. She shows me pictures of me in a photoshoot on a bed. They are wholesome Nickolodeon type of pictures of me smiling with my hands under my face. Then I leave and meet up with my dad again and I forget what happened. It was a good one. It's all those flu pills and shit. Today I emailed Thom to let him know I probably won't be coming in tomorrow, and he hasnt mailed me back so hes either busy or being passive aggressive about it. Earlier today I felt bad but now there is no way I could even make it if I really was dying to and my life depended on it. Well, I Mean, I would go if my life depended on it, but you know. Geoff came over tonight. We watched A League of Their Own together, it is one of my favourite movies. When I was a little girl I saw this movie, I must have been 8 years old if it was made in 1992, and I loved Dottie (Geena Davis). I thought she was the most beautiful classiest woman I'd ever seen and I wanted to grow up to be like her. She reminds me of my mom. It's warming to watch, all the funny parts with Stilwell and Jimmy, and there are deleted scenes which reveal this whole deleted sub-plot of a love affair b/w Jimmy + Dottie. Everything about that movie rules. I made Geoff watch it and he got super sucked into it! It was really funny. There is a part where Dottie is crying and her husband who had been off to war comes in, and the way she holds and hugs him, I just start crying and crying. I realized that I could remember nearly every scene from a movie I saw over 10 years ago, how important is it ever, have I realized, if I have a daughter, I am going to really control what kind of stuff she sees when she is young and work hard to give her positive strong women role models. I find I've been thinking about babies recently. First I have to say I dont want a baby in any practical way and woul dnever go through with that at this age-- that is stupid and I want to do more stuff before I decide to start a family. WIth my condition, though, I always wonder if I will even be able to have children and that makes me so emotional with babies and especially my friends having them. In a lot of ways girls my age aren't thinking about this shit because we're all 21-23, but it's a fact of life for me. I will have this my whole life. I know that Kelly has something similar as me, and she and Nick got preggers without even trying, so it is a really reassuring and positive story for me to personally know. I guess when the time comes when I do have my frist child, in a decade or so, it will feel that much more triumphant and beautiful for me. Oh yeah, and my husband. I constnatly have to know what the future holds for me, and to be prepared for any struggles that might come my way, and it is the reason why I have grey hair probably. I just spent a good few minutes ralphing in the restroom, how accurate is it to call the bathroom a restroom. It really is where sometimes I go to get away and get rest. This was horrendous. I ate a spoonful of icecream to soothe my throat, and gulped down neocitran which makes me so nauseous, and I juuuusttt made le toilette in time. IT kind of freaks me out because I haven't been ill ever to the point of ralphing, apart from alcohol-relatedness, which in itself is rare. Jeez Louise. Geoff came over tonight and it was so sweet. He brought me some things I wanted from the grocery store and some special things. Someone that he works with quit and it means possibly him getting a promotion so it's huge, wonderful news. His internship has been frustrating him because basically for the sake of epxlaining in thie journal, he wants to get real posiiton out of it and boy does he ever deserve it. He has been tempted to leave and go somehwere else but I'm encouraging him to be patient about it, I have a feeling that this place will only be amatter of time.. It would be amaizn gif he got that job. It would also be nice for him to leave AA as he is clearly overqualified for that. So everyone is pretty stoked abotu this new move. He gave me a killer massage which helped my acheyness a lot. When I am sick I am a huge huge huge baby and want secretly to be treated like a princess, and he does that for me and it is so cute and sweet. I watched the new spice girls documentary, it's pretty good but super low budget. 12:45 am - 12.19.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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