vaneigem's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IMMUNE 2 EMOTION I know how to do it, there is nothing to it, the secret is passion, the secret's "I'm immune to emotion", immune to emotion. I'm cold, no mind, no pain, Immune to emotion. Just try to ignore it, No use to work for it, It's all that I wanted, It's all I got- Immune to emotion. I'm cold, where to go? I make it a habit, to wait 'til I grab it. Don't have any reason, excuses: I'm immune to emotion. I'm cold, no loss, no gain- Immune to emotion Then we got there adn got our weird gross dinners, only because it was close and storming outside. I was happy to be inside and warm. I wore a shirt he gave me and he said I looked cute even though I felt like a big bag of crapperinos with salsa on top. I felt like crap so I dressed liek crap. I was supposed to go to a birthday party last night, but couldn't be bothered. I tried to convince Geoff that Jughead in the Archies comics was wearing an American Apparel tshirt at the grocery store. I slept for like 11 hours. Today, the hyper-missing-you tables turned. For some reason, from the moment I woke up, I really really really missed a boy to hug (him) and I called him and he just woke up at noonish and he was groggy and Geoff-grumpsters-dumpsters. It made me laugh. I messaged him today to advise him to come to my house tonight, to be annoying, and he did. It made me really happy and he is cooler in my eyes now after tonight. We ended up having this huge hilarious hangout where we watched weird youtube videos featuring Busta Rhymes and then somehow ended up semi-wrestling, and then I did my Sally OMalley impression, and then he picked me up in the air on a piggy back and I was trying to pick him up but he never let me. We layed in bed and thought and talked and then walked to the grocery store. I am appreciative of him doing stuff like walking me to the grocery store. I am really into the Shangri-las right now. If you read my journal regularly perhaps you recall a time when I was talking about Depeche Mode at a questionably high frequency, which kind of baffles me now, I mean, I don't even think I own any Depeche Mode albums. There are several albums at my arm's reach, each embodying a particular powerful milestone in my life. Mary Weiss rules, she is sassy and awesome and sweet.
The day earlier I got mad at Geoff for something I don't want to talk about, just because there's no point. The point is that I acted mature about it and told him why it upset me. He reacted super defensively, and our communication wasn't working, because he wasn't listneing. Truly listening. So, he began doing this little boy thing of crossing his arms and building a brick wall between us, instead of being a Responsible Man and saying "Sorry" and menaing it, in my eyes, because not only are we human beings on this green Earth together but we're PARTNERS, trying to make things good. When he was able to think, I think he realized that he was responding in a really unproductive way, and I think he knew that he had wronged me unintentionally, and was smart and responded intelligently and maturely. That or he thought I was being ridiculous and didn't want a mad angry girlfriend so he would just gloss it over and make the unmeaningful umenaingful. Either way, he opened up and was a Man with all the tools, and I was proud of him. He is getting a lot better with that sort of thing recently. I'm trying to think of a good metaphor for humility but I'm too tired. I want to say humility is like a bumblebee, it stings once and then it dies, just to be funyn, becaues that metaphor makes no sense at all, that's why it's funny, but I couldn't be bothered to type it out but I just did. I won't go on about my relationship and super personal details. I strive to make it simple for the both of us. If I can feel that I can be myself, and that the majority of our time is not spent fighting or stressing out, then that's what it's all about. When you can really feed off each other effortlessly and give and take, and things should never go unnecessarily complicated, to pick your battles. Pick your battles is a big thing I have learned in relationships, always maintain a healthy level of politeness, silence is good sometimes, being 'whatever' is good sometimes, have a lot of sex, and that the little things speak volumes. Since geoff hated being at the grocery store I decided I wanted to buy him something so I got him sugar cookies because he loves them. He is so funny and cute when he walks around and oohs and ahs. He has the funniest habits like buying a crazy amount of soups just because they're on sale. We have so much fun together. We walked out and saw this sketchbag couple screaming at each other about cat litter, and what should go on top of the cat litter, total losers. I'm talking about my time with Geoff so much in this entry mostly because all I've done on my own today has been relaly nothing. I'm not sure what came over me today. After my shower, I sat on my bed for probably an hour in complete silence looking around at stuff just thinking. It is nice to do nothing sometimes. To sit, to think. " Thinking is really underrated these days." Come get it, think all you want, for 5 minutes for only $3.99 credit cards accepted. I watched part of a movie but it was on one of those streaming things. I was snowed inall day, it was the most horrendous blizzard I've seen i nthe history of my living here. It depressed me, comforted me, and excited me. It also bored me. i planned to take advantage of this day and work on painting and music, but I couldn't bring myself to start. At all! So I didn't. I accepted today as a blank dart, which can be the most productive in terms of ideas and thinkinga nd feelings. 3:23 am - 12.17.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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