vaneigem's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LOVER PUP Cassie came to me tonight quite upset. Her friend was hit by a car this weekend and is now in the hospital. She was in critical condition, but now she is okay. I really felt for Cassie. I think in these situations I always search for empathy in extending my support, but I am always cautious about this . I would never want to be presumptious and assume I know what someone is going through. I guess I kind of deliberate with myself too much but I guess we ended up talkinga bout how fucking weird it is when friends get hurt like that. I told her about my friend Cam watching his best friend Cody die in the back seat after a car accident they had together. A year later Cam died in a car accident with his girlfriend. To this day I truly believe it was suicide. It is a tragic story. Cam was a beautiful person that was getting eaten alive and he was not pushed enough toward counselling programs. Also my dad took on the evidence for this case and it made little sense. Basically we started talking about weird depressing stories like this and got seriously teary. Then I realized the conversation was going a really shitty route, and shifted to the positive side of things that her friend was getting better so early in the recovery process. And how when she visits her that she has to be strong for her... It is really annoying for the injured and close family members to have random people freaking out about you. It is selfish and aggravating.
Babylon answered my questions today. He is my favourite. And he sounds exactly like how Kurt Cobain used to talk-- it really freaked me out today, actually. I guess you could say Babylon could be the new Kurt Cobain. I taught Kurt Cobain. Kurt (teacher kurt) always turns my days around. My mornings teaching always suck (with Thom... his class kind of terrifies me.. i do not let it show but it does deep down), but Kurt creates a really positive welcoming learning environment and he extends this to his work relationships as well. Today I became chummy wtih Norma, as well. I didn't think I ever would. I had to go to the lbirary and try to bargain with the creepy librarian ladies over some stuff. I charmed my way through this despite their hostile librarian-y responses. I came back and she kind of rolled her eyes when I told her their responses, and she was like " yeah i hate them" or something. That was funny. We laughed about it. Those librarians don't have good people skills. They probalby hate their jobs a lot (being a librarian at a high school i have realized is a really difficult job), but even so, they just treat me so weirdly for no reason. Yet I was so ready to love and befriend the librarians. So I stayed really late today and picked up extra marking because I wanted to make a good impression. I also got to goof around with the staff and I feel they better know my personality now. I stayed until after my boss left. Geoff and I got together for a bit tonight, it was nice. He was in a very excited good mood, I think because he had taht day off (never happens) and he hung out with his best buddy all day. He was very happy to see me and missed me a lot. I really like Jake, it would have been nice to see him but he is moving here so it should be cool! I didn't mention it, but I had a really big talk with Geoff a few nights ago about some things and I think it was really necessary. I try to not get into that shit unless it's really pressing and will benefit/not aggravate the relationship. But I really had some important things I had to say, and I expressed myself and felt good about it after. It didn't leave me feeling necessarily any better about the isuse at hand, but I was really proud of myself for standing up and speaking up for myself, separating my emotional attachments and approaching it all in a fairly mature, constructive yet emotionally honest way. That is how I am trying to grow in my relationships. Because I am definitely not like that ALL the time-- mature and constructive. I have definitely allowed my passion get the best of me. Geoff said "when we move in together and get married," we should get a chowchow pup. I said we should get lover pups. Of any kind . Lover pups are pups that grow up together and are life-time lover pups forever. Lover pups love each other and are best friends and play together but most of all they love each other. Sometimes they fight but mostly they love. So we've compromised and are getting "chow-chow lover pups.'" We had a nice autumn walk just for the sake of walking and talking. I sang depeche mode to him and admitted my bizarre hardcore crush on Dave Gahan and also my desire to create a sexy revolutionary leftist group that teases the media. We talked about our future dreams. I got a sandwich. He is organizing a huge jazz festival with Jeff that is being internationally promoted. We only know this beacse my sister said that she saw an interview with Jeff on the plane from Paris on her honeymoon. I told him one of the things I like about him the most is how much he fucking GETS everything. Geoff is a cool feminist. But he is more interested in class and I am more interested in gender. He is a good admirable man. I talked to my parents tonight, because it's my mum's birthday. I sent her an email late last night so she would wake up and be greeted with a happy birthday greeting from her daughter. She said it was really nice to get the email this morning and it made me feel great to make my mum feel good on her birthday. Michelleand I talked the night before and we sort of remembered about it not far enough in advance to send something; I felt horrible but now I don't feel so bad. So this phone call was essential. Earlier I did some marking at the coffee place, and this "crazy" man was in the shop talking to himself, like havin ga relaly intense conversation between an imaginary person and himself. I was kind of ineterested in his/their conversation but I felt like I was eavesdropping on his/their conversation. He was talking about 32 years ago. What life was like 32 years ago. I guess this was pretty boring. SORRY! THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR SMELLING DEAD ROSES. JL 12:22 am - 10.17.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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