vaneigem's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SWITCHY I was planning to have a nice quiet night in my living room; that didn't happen. People were loud and banging dishes and I hated it and it stressed me out. I tried to write addresses for all of m + m's stupid families and it is really annoying some of the long hyphenated names Mr. ______,Ms._____-____ __________-__________________, and Family. Holy shitta. The combination of the dishes, and the hyphenations, and the overly loud talking, made me just snap and I had to quit everything and here I am in my room about to go to sleep. I teach (I almost wrote "teeth") tomorrow. I enjoy the switched days. It really switches things up. On a switch day, things get switched. Something else got swtiched today- my humber course is now cancelled so I am doing it online. I have never done an online course and I think they are kind of relaly fucking retarded. Especially when it pertains to teaching. Like I can learn how to teach online. It seems fucking retarded. But at least I"ll get my certificate saying Im capable of teaching effectively. For all those little gremlins in the big chairs of colleges. I went to Starbucks today to have a coffee. I went for dessert after my dinner, and ordered a fudge oat bar. They are my special treat when I'm feeling special. The employee said "and here's your bar that is fudgy and oatey". It was strange, like she had to say "fudge oat bar" a lot and was that desperate to switch it up. Switchy. I sat and drank my coffee and started planning what I would do that week. Two men sat infront of me and started giving me eyes. They would watch girls walk by and say "Whoa" to all the ones they thought were hot. Glasses man was about late 30s and talked about all his cool tunes he was making and how this one tune was so radical that it was totally going on his solo album. Barf. I couldve had a perfectly nice time except I started feeling really watched and self conscious, because they were watching me and it really angered me. I wanted them to fuck off so I could focus on my plans. I should have started picking my nose so they would fuck off. Instead I got up and left. I went to the bike place and the man switched my chain back to its proper gear for me. I felt embarrassed to not have been ablet o figure out something so simple on my own. I like them there; they are nice and don't charge me. I thought I would treat my bike to a little air pumping since she was in functioning order. It was the first time I ever used one of those 50 cent crazy loud air machines, but I walked up to it as if I knew it like the back of my hand. I pumped the air like I had been doing it for 50 damn years. I got groceries and the guy I have a crush on was working. It's not really a crush, but he's hot and reminds me of Adrock from the beastie boys. Not any other adrock you may know. You totally know he dropped out of high school and lives some cool life when hesw not working at the dominion. I pretend I don't notice him so he doesn't catch on that I am in superficial love with him. Then the woman at the cash started talking to me about all the clouds and what she did that day and just things that you can't really respond to in any substantial way. All you can say is " Yeah?" "Oh, really! Hmm.." etc. I feel retarded in those conversations. Now I'm home. Nelly put the heat on for some reason. I'm glad that my roommate stopped doing the dishes since I've gotten ready to go to bed. Lately her and her boyfrend have dinner really late at night, like 11:30pm late, and it stresses me out a bit for some reason. They are nice people though. Things overall are good in teh roommate department. Geoff is at some art party thing with Nick. Carly went and mentioned she saw him there. And we talked earlier on the phone and he was really happy to be talking to me it seemed. Nick is geoff's best friend. He is in an art collective full of guys who live in a big factory apartment together and their bedrooms are tents or something. I dont know. Anyway, I guess he made something for geoff for his bday so it should be cool to see. I wish we hung out with each others friends more. Well, i dont really want geoff tagging along when jenny nad i are hanging out actually , but thats because we do things he probably wouldnt enjoy. But with geoff he goes to stuff without me that I also would enjoy and I wish sometimes that he would include me more. He feels too much responsibility to stay attached to me when we're together. Even when we're in my house, if I walk from one side of the room to the other, he will come with me. It's like it's all or nothing with us. I dfeinitely don't want all all the time adn drive each other nuts, but I defeinitly dont want nothing. And i guess we're pretty much at a good medium. It's really an event by event basis. I'm learning better that timing when you have stuff to talk about is the best. I'ts best to think something through and tlak about something when there's a good moment. Believe it or not this is a new philosophy for me. I am the type taht wants to talk about every little issue at the moment the issue arises because everything must be perfect all of the time. I realized that's pretty lame of me. Wow I'm so into depeche mode righ tnow that I think in terms of depeche mode songs. This situation could be categorized under ENJOY THE SILENCE. I would like to move more toward a happy medium. Things have been really great though. I'm happy and we give each other fair space and fair togetherness. I dont know what is going on this weekend. Some of my girl friends like to go dancing at clubs once in awhile. They know that Im typically not into clubs, I dont like to spend my money at clubs, theres not too much for me at clubs, except I do LOVE dancing to rap music and mainstream pop hits, so they invite me still. Once in a while I go and its fun. Tammy who I have a huge girl crush on is coming out so I am totally more inclined to go. It should be fun, I am kind of excited for it. I teach tomorrow... it will be a chiller day because I start with norma, and i finish at 2ish because my prep is last.
12:08 am - 10.12.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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