vaneigem's Diaryland Diary
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NINTH DIMENSION
In two years' time, I will have been writing in a journal like this for 10 years. That is fucked up, to think of myself as a fully developed human being 10 years ago. It really means nothing. Half of what means something really means nothing. Sometimes I find myself in a stupid wonder as a total joke, but I kind of let myself tumble into my own jokes. It's nice to live in a wonderland where everything is full of wonder. Everyone lives in their own little wonderlands. You construct them and the first step is realizing you have the power to construct your own little wonderlands.
I'm trying to figure out how I can do film.... how can I do film?? My partner is pregnant with twins! My future is ruined boohoo. I really don't think I'll ever meet anyone else, and I don't want to meet anyone else. We have the perfect chemistry. She is the most perfect. I miss Meghan. I should call her regularly. It is hard for me to phone anyone because I get incredibly nervous to phone anyone. For some reason. IT IS MOST SELFISH. I SHOULD NOT.
I trudged into school at 8;30am to teach in my new PANTS; it was great. Thom was gone, and the supply buddy was late. So I took charge and didn't really know exactly what I was doing but that's how it goes. It's about exuding. I also mentioned to all the students that they could meet me at lunch to look over their assignments, or if they had any questions or whatever. A few came to see me. The one gave me hers to mark over lunch hour, it took me forever because it was really shitty but she was really on the verge of getting it. She came running up to me in the hall "Ms. Christie!". She is a sweetie sweet cute. Another was purely amazing and beautifully written. I helped out in Kurt's class, I always learn a lot from his class. I really like his teaching style, I was thinking about it today. He knows exactly what he is doing and he is really fantastic at helping me out. He could easily just fuck off and do his own thing, he doesn't have to help me do anything, but he really goes out of his way for me. I just apprecaite so much that I will probably feel obligated to point this out every fucking time I mention fucking KURT. Norma's class, which went better this time around. SHe is totally horrible. The kids are in love with me in that class. I am getting to know them better so it's more comfortable for all of us. This is ESL and it's full of these amazingly fashionable creative asian girls. THat was school.
I came home on my prep to look for myhistory textbook but I couldn't find it, for my own university course. I think I fuckign lost it!! WHich really pisses me off, at myself. I skipped calss today because I didn't have any of the work done and I felt like too much of a douche to even show my face. Whatever. Normalyl this would stress me out but WHATEVER. It was a kick in the ass as to how much more organized I need to be. I need shelves. Yeah. Blame it on the shelves and duotangs.
Kick it up a crotch.
Strada talks a lot of shit about people Ive realized. Whenever someone talks shit about someone to me, like really unconstructive obvious shit talking, I immediately wonder what it is they are probably saying about me too. There are types that do that and then there are types that don't do that. I dont get what provokes people to act and behave this way. This isnt grade 6, and like you are going to make any genuine frends talking shit about people. I suppose right now I am talking shit about Strada. I suppose I"m a big hypocrite in a million ways.
Veruca Salt came on my shuffle player for some reason. I was always on the fence about this band> There was a brief time when I was really into mainstream grunge before I shortly discovered old school punk rock and I can't remember if I liked them or thought they were lame. I remember vividly the red glitter wall from SEETHER.
Geoff and I got dinner tonight and came back to my house and cuddled. Once again he cooed me by stroking my hair and I fell asleep almost in his grey hoodie. I also got all this amazing body blitz stuff from him... which is mad expensive. It was for my birthday. You could say he went to town on the body blitz. Which is totally great, because as we all know, body products are my non-guilty pleasures. A scrub, essential sea salt, and body masks. Especially for the lymph nodes. My lymph nodes need all the tender care they can get, after all those scares. All those little millions of little scares, each and every single one of my lymphies.
Tomorrow I have some annoying errands to run, and things to figure out, like plan things, and clean things ,and go to Canadian Tire, and shti like taht. I'm sure you dont want to hear about my annoying errands. But I think I'd reall ylike to work on music and start a painting and also find out about getting that Constant print. There is a beuatiful shaggy haired kid in my class named Babylon. He probalby has fucking cool parents.
I LOVE KEVIN ARNOLD
11:49 pm - 10.10.07
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