vaneigem's Diaryland Diary

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REIUWK

Geoff and I got into a fight today.. which sucks because it was going to be a nice cute lil lunch but then i got upset over something he said.. I sort of just wish he didn't mention certain things to me. Honesty forever, yes, but some of those insignificant things are just better left unsaid. It was stupid but looking externally I don't blame myself to get a little jealous sometimes. Granted I do think I need to be more open and cool with that shit. Anyway he has progressed into a ' hanger upper", which I understand as him to be doing this to either a) see how much i care to phone back , or b) he takes advantage of the situation and uses hanging up to take control / piss me off or c) just wants to cool off , plain and simple. I mean those are obviously the classic things involved. We both know it is stupid and immature. Oh lordy. I hear about this happening with so many couples and I really wouldn't have taken us as the types to do that, but we will work it out, especially now that we are open with talking about it. Nobody wants bullshit! Tonight we had a calm collected talk baout what happened later and kind of settled things, and it was a really good improvement comapred to how things usually go down. That's all that really needs to happen in my world. I won't relaly talk much more about this because it's a personal thing and G's biznass too. But for some people the hanging up thing is just a fact of life for some people... it is like walking out of a room when you need space and I just sort of made that connectionLIke if you are living with a boyfriend/griflriend, you need to each have your special space to go off and chill out on your own. That is crucial crucial. I see how my parents work their marriage, and that is a large part of it... There are times when you just need to be like okay fuck off ! in your own polite way to each other when things are really non-chill and respect that!

I woke up rather early today. I think I was having a female equivalent of a wet dream. I never really understood how those work with men. I dont think it was anythign particularly sexy-ish. Sometimes my dreams cut out, just as movies depict a flashback, except it's a random image that I will find particularly weird, and it will just stick in my conscious awake-mind. And then I actually LIVE that image about 3 years later. Rarely I have these crazy longterm dejavus. I had one yesterday, I have them about twice or thrice a year. Is it a myth or is it actually for real? I'd like to read a book about the DEJA VU. I am really torn between the freudian idea of dreams... or just that dreams are these fun spontaneous nonsensical happenings... I think that " sceince of sleep" movie blurs that debate really well. In the beginning, "Stefan" makes a recipe for a dream: memories, songs you heard that day, past conversations, thoughts, hopes, stew it in a pot, and there's the final product. But in the end it turned out to be not quite as simple as that. Dream and reality become indistinguishable.

I really got myself in a big conundrum in becoming friends with this girl who I think is hilarious and amazing, but just recently I found out she has this psycho tendency to get totally pissed at her casual friends for no reason. For example J. , A. and I ended up hanging out rnadomly because we were bored, I think we were watching some CSI boring shit type of show that was boring us out of our MIIIIIINDS. So this girl phones and finds out we are hanging out and gets totally PISSED for not inviting her. It's not like we are all best friends, she is just one of our many freinds. THe next day she was just a huge bitch and made things totally uncomfortable for all of us. Even now I am really stressed out because I can't do coffee with her this week, and I think she is going to be pissed at me for it! Like I'm not talking a legitimate type of angry, if I was her best friend who started excluding me from stuff then yeah lets talk about it, but i JUST met her. So that's annoying!

Last night was hilarious. I got to Joanne's late, I felt rude and horrible about it but they understood. I got off work really late because I had to run shit over to Parkdale again, and then pick stuff up at the grocery store. ANd this guy I felt was really creepy and hitting on me on the subway, and it just made me feel really gross and creeped out because he just really repulsed me and I wanted him to get out of my face. So that really threw me off, and I started going north on the wrong subway line, realizing like mid-way through. I am totally retarded like that sometimes. ANyway, we all made this amazing dinner, I made everyone fancy daiquiris, we had wine, I got really drunk, Tijanna made crepes with nutella and bananas. Ver's twin brother "Jean-Sebastien" came by and they are hilarious together. After dinner Joanne cranked out some TIMBALAND (I am in love with "WHO I ARE") and we danced. It was fun. I ended up JUST catching the last subway train. It is funny how time works itself out.

Tomorrow I work... I am out with the kids for the last time! It will be very sad/fun. Then I am going to a show which should be super fun.

11:37 pm - 08.23.07

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