vaneigem's Diaryland Diary

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TUNIC

I literally just spent $2.50 on TONS of veggies in kensington and I spent the hour making a dish of these veggies accompanied with basmati brown rice. It is enough for like.... 7 meals! I'll bring this to work tomorrow. Carrots, watercress, onion, sprouts, red pepper, corn!

Something I've learned about myself is that keeping myself busy is really REALLY important or else I just go nutso. Not insane busy, but just the right amount. Boredom gives me anxiety.

Today was fun. I forgot to mention that on Friday we played lazzzzzzr tag with the kids. Alright... but what the fuck???? What the fucking fuck, that shit is the funnnest damn shit I've ever played in my damn life. Anyway I took yesterday off and went to Yorkdale which wasn't as great as last time. I think the 5pmish subway was stressing me out. Also I got bored by the end of the night and didn't know what to do with myself. I decided last night while trying to go to sleep that I am going to start painting again. I am going to do some shit for my room, or just rnadom stuff to sell. Today we all went to Parkdale and graff'd hats. I helped the pussier ones cut out stencils. Some of the girls wanted these really dinky scripted letters so it was hard. I didn't end up making my hat. It's a leadership program so Sylvie had organized a little obstacle course game type of thing, but funny cool shit that is teenager-appropriate. India left half-way through so I had to join a team as Alex and James were doing evaluaitos. It brought back baddd memories of summer camp. I totalyl was the shy girl who stressed out about that shit. It was kindo f funny to be in a flipped position. When my mom put me in theatre, I ended up being the curtain girl because I was so fucking mortified to speak infront of people. I have come a long way. There is one boy who is like that in the group and I really feel for him. He is overweight and reads books in the corner. ANyway our team ended up winning the whole damn thing, so I traded T. my prize for this sweet hat he graff'd!!!!!!
It is amazing!!
Derrick also ddint want his hat and it is amazing. its syas BALLER on it. James noted that it would go for $50 in any store.

When we were coming out this man was laying face down on the corner of dundsa + ossngtn.... he obviously wanted to end his life and I had no idea
what to do. About 20 people passed by without a care in the world while this man is about to get meatgrinded by a streetcar. He was really not well and I noticed as I was walking towards him that he had a blue bracelet on his wrist from some sort of medical/mental centre. Jesus! LUkcily this other guy helped him up and kept him inthe corner and phoned. I didn't want to aggravate the situation, and the other man had taken authority of the situation so I ended up biking home. Me andrew and matt freaked the fuck out!

I am making cookies tonight and maybe researching for my painting oh and also get a TOronto star to help my boy-boy find an apartment!!!!!!!

I am going to keep that dress thing. I have decided that it is the most perfect basic thing ever. I really like that designer 3.1 Phillip whatever. Also I downloaded " godo morning baltimore" from hairspray . THat song fucking rules yo. Also that st. vincent girl has that amazing song " now now" and the rest of the album kind of sucks???? From what I heard briefly. Hopefully I will prove myself wrong because I still haven't really developed a summer music theme. HUZZA
BALLER

Listening to good music. Just had a big hangout with roommates. In desparate need of a tv... it is nice to be caught up on the shows.. it would be nice to have one or two. It has been almost half a year. I am going on a new master plan... a new programme, a newwww programme. I'm happier already!

Tomorrow I think I am having a girls night with Joanne, Trisha, Ver, and some other girls. We are going to cook a fun meal togeths , with drinks, and watch girly shit. It really makes me want want want some girl to really connect with on a cultural level, but I don't think I have ever really with any. It is really annoying to me the people who are snobby about that sort of thing. I base my friendships on personality whic his important... whether they are good people above all else,.. but sometimes I just crave someone to hang out with and listen to records with. Jenny is a BIT relatable in that department but on a scale from 1-10, i'd say it's a 4. As I come to know her I see how obsessed she is with guys... if we are out having fun and a guy isn't macking on her she gets pissy until it happens. It is really frustrating and stupid. Bernice I relate to a lot more... she is unrateable, which is why she is my bff. She is like my epitome woman. With my sister, too. But that's finito. Everyone else I am either freaked out by, or have these big egos becuase they think they are better than everyone else because they know who glenn branca is or something. I'd rather be friends with people who are really into what they are into because tehy are passionate about it. Also.. you'd be surprised the people who surprise you. Ver after a year of living with her popped out all this rando amazing french music she never told me about liking. She is amazing. There ususalyl is a major insecurity there , or some sort of defense mechanism, that makes girls catty with one another. It's essentially high school. Anyway.... I just kinda wish there were more cool, nonjel, totally nice fun girls around that aren't preoccupied with an image , or waht epople think of them, and other douchey things. Anyway. In reality I really find that I have to make compromises.

I am trying to become more selfless and respectful of others just in a very general way. I am struggling to want to treat someone horribly right now just because they hurt my feelings. Really really hurt. They are not really in my life anymore and I don't even have the opportunity, really. But I feel horrible for feeling this way. Actually, I feel this way about two men.. none of whom I see often. I think it's disgusting the way some men treat women, even in young 20-something year olds. It's not a thing that's reserved to another generation... it's still happening now but in a very different form. It's a different method of control and power. And I think it is important for men/boys/whatever to step back and realize what they are doing and what effects that may have on women. I can't hate those who have harmed me though. Nothing will come of it except more hate. SO I am struggling to just stay respectful and tone down my thrill for attitude, confrontation, and pride. I am trying to be more adult with my decisions and judge appropriateness. And this job is really opening my eyes how much young people need positive role models, and it's making me look at myself in a really general way. I really can't act the way I have in the past and continue with this work. SO it is important to learn from your mistakes . I can either do something I love and promote something I feel strongly about, or be one of those people that seek revenge and are no better than the shitty people that instigate or aggravate those situations. THey have no control over themselves and will not have any control over their own lives. It doesn't mean I should give others the time of day who don't give me the time of day.... I'm just saying I should always be respectful no matter what the situation. I think I have been for the most part.. but I am sometimes tempted not to be.

ps Kelly and Nick had their baby. My friends that I grew up with forevs. I just saw pictures.....I am tearing up!

5:51 pm - 08.21.07

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