vaneigem's Diaryland Diary

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BRING US HOME TO YOUR MOTHER, CUZ WE DON'T WANNA GO HOME.

i could do something like write a whole bunch of song lyrics in here, but i'm just not that kind of girl.
one individual in my life won't make me waste years of history/feelings away, when they were a mere subject of it among a festival of others. it just adds to the fairytale. closet monsters never existed anyway, did they? thanks for the filter.

i realize that i was a fuck lot cooler a couple years ago and i miss high school so much right now. i've let some things consume me and it has sort of made me more boring over this past year or two. i'd rather invest my energy into creative things, but also passion for destruction. i've been doing a lot of that and keeping with it this summer. i don't like to talk about it very much cuz i think it would peg me under a false motive (ie attaching this to social status), it' sjust something that i need to do without feeling like a sack of shit, that's really as simple as it is. i'm torn between the option of being open of my doing it, to get some sort of credit for shit that i do, or just remaining completely anonymous in light of creating an open situation in which no one is held responsible.
i never understood people who didn't do something expressive like art or music, or used to, and then gave up on it. most of them now are actively just into the supposed art of consumption. attention shoppers.
the world seems really beyond me sometimes and i think i just use that shit as my way to respond to it

i browzed through some of my old art books today and i have decided to complete an old project that i started a long time ago. i'm still really excited about it whenever i think about it.

i've been feeling kind of sad lately, even though i really shouldn't be. i feel kind of ridiculous to let that happen to me. i never was one to be unhappy, and i also was one to keep my balance of connection and disconnections. it's what i need to stay myself and lately i've been a litlte too connected for a little too long.

looking through this all made me think about all the people i've cared about in the years. it's been a lot of the best of the best. i've had a... seriously fucking great life. you would think it's pretty much all here recorded for you to invade. but nothing could ever capture what i've experienced, not even language.

no quesitons, no answers. ever

"i always win the art war."
- mark ryan

11:44 pm - 08.02.04

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