vaneigem's Diaryland Diary

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BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU

music: the smiths

(p.s.: michelle just gave me THIS photo. this was on my birthday. michelle and i just LAUGH AND LAUGH sometimes when no one else knows what's up, when really we don't really know what's up either, and we just.. like.. laugh and laugh. about nothing. and it's a vicious circle. and then other people in our presence sit there and wait until we're done. and then i flap my arms around and my face gets red and sometimes i even stand up and slap my hand on my leg and it's just this intense sister connection that you just CANNOT GET INTO no matter how much you give me yr STERN ITALIAN STARE. BLOOOOOOD.).

i haven't showered in two days.

so i gave in and cooperated with joanne in showing me this paris hilton sex tape business.
and i am shocked.
i have never seen porn on vid before and i'm sorry.. but why do people care that much about it? i mean i could understand if she was this wild animal in bed or at least A LITTLE BIT GOOD IN BED or something, THEN, maybe THEN we have something to talk about, etc etc, but really.. there' s nada.
is this what "normal" porn looks like?! sort of made me realize there are people out there who.... have really shitty sex. WHY CHOOSE TO MAKE SUCH A GLORIOUS PHYSICAL ACTIVITY SHITTY?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND

and what the fuck? people are coming into MY APARTMENT ROOM to inspect my BOOKSHELVES!?!??!!? i'm not moving everything from them so if they think i am, "I"M NOT HOME, WINK WINK." i have more impt things to DO.

the other night i went to a live taping of this debate about muslim people "integrating" into canada, it was interesting. i gots on tv. and that's really all that matters, isn't it. ISN"T IT?!?!?! i kept telling geof fi was in love with the host
()
then i started pretending to check out his ass and then he got all mad. "HI I JUST SLAPPED EIGHTEEN PLASTIC SURGERIES ON MY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
then i ran home as we were organizing a surprise party for joanne.
made a big fat double chocolate double fudge double chochocohchochochoclate doubludobuoud chococoococlate cake and pina coladas to fatten us all up and dirtied ian's kitchen like there ain't no tomorra. like there ain't no tomorra.

speaking of food, christian comes over and informs me that they are handing out free full-sized pizzas out the back of some truck infront of robarts. he asks me to go come with him, but no, he doesn't motivate me enough to get out of my pyjamas. so then geoff shows up out of nowhere with SIX FULL SIZED PIZZAS for me. hahahh. my roommates found out about before i did and subsequently came home with even more. we have TWELVE FREE PIZZAS IN OUR FRIDGE/FREEZER. pizza 4 life.

last week my friend laura came to visit me from blvl. we couldn't hang out that much cuz i had a paper due the next day and had to do that, and my mom was also coming that day.
we spoke of the good old days
i feel i have really changed since high school, mainly just my goals, where i see myself headed, etc. in high school i didn't really look past uversity and now i find myself doing that quite a bit.
we're going to go to new york city together this summer, depending on my job situation. she went earlier this year and apparently it's the best fucking city ever. she said it's better than spain, so that's gotta be good shit.

there is a trip from moscow to beijing that i am interested in, but unfortunately, my bank account is going to have to pass on that one. fortunately, however, my first shift back to work is DEC 13, 1pm-10pm. i don't know what it will be like going back there, but i really need to replenish my $ department

then my mom came and she kept doing this cute little thing where she touched the back of my neck in that mom kind of way and said "i missed you honey! hehehe". emily and i figured out that my mom reminds us of a cross between diane keaton, sally field and a high school teacher. her, mich, and i did some xmas shopping and i got some good shitttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 goodo shit!!!! i have to wait.

SPEAKING OF SALLY FIELD. geoff and i can't stand to be away from one another for over 24 hours. lately he is making me laugh way more than usual. the other night we got in sort of our first fight and it was really funny. we kept laughing throughout the whole thing. it is quite possibly the best and most lovely decision of my life to have crossed those oceans of maps, highways, and fields to have met this boy. what a weird feeling. i'm surprised i even DID that, and fuck, am i ever glad i did. not that i feel, like, my existence has been SAVED or any of that crap, but just that my life has thoroughly improved and i am happy just to have even met AT LEAST a new best friend of sorts who i can learn to trust and tell everything to. things at first started off a little "rocky" mentally for me, with uncertainties and personal issues, but there are certain things that you will only truly learn while in love.. and i feel that i have a grasp on many of them. planning out-of-budget future adventures always got the best of me, and at times it was really too unreal for me, but now i am able to see them actualized thanks to YOU (even though YOU do not read this, i care to send it out). and even if they can't be actualized, all i really need is you to remember them. i always remembered a lot but now i really do remember everything. there is you, there is me, we are growing up, but not in that bad way at all. i wish to give you unicorns for showing me beautiful ways of expression and not to be scared at all of any of them. this past summer has been the best in hopes, this fall has been the best in beginnings. i was happy to see the snow fall on us last night. this is my year of big, brave things.

xoxoxo

1:42 pm - 11.29.03

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