vaneigem's Diaryland Diary

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AMBIGUOUS, AMBIVALENCE

music: jandek kicks

dear concerned, and unconcerned. to whom you may and may not be,

MY LIFE! my life.
i have never had these incredible emotional leaps ever! in my life! it's bipolar planet up over here. fucking jesus, by the time i've written "i am so HAPP YY!" i am ready to follow it with "i can't remember the last time i have been this unhappy."
relationships are confusing and i hate them and god they are so great, i love them.
like that.
fucking joan rivers!
i am soo beyond being at my finest, my friends

oh claire. claire is so so so pretty and i dream of her everynight. just kidding. but she IS a TOTALLL babe-lady. i saw her last night. she is one of my little school friends.
while walking with her last night, i hear this cute little girl voice gasp and squeal "jamie!"
and MY GOD it was MINA LEE. do you understand how BEAUTIFUL mina is?!?! she is the quietest sweetest harmless prettiest modest-est girl from who i went to school with for a couple years
her korean accent is just, like, the best thing in my life
me, her and aaron are going to get together and have a mini ncc reunion

i am suffering a little from paul-withdrawal lately, and i would like to hang out with him again asap therefore i will phone him soon
and we hardly know each other! we have hung out twice and we suffer from withdrawals from one another, that can't be very healthy
my lord i can be painnnfully shy
he called me on sunday night and we watched festen. i love having no classes that begin before noon because i can stay out however late i want. festen is an awesome film, and my favourite part is the danish happy birthday song where they end it with "[blablahbla] and the sound of the ocean" and then they all go "SHHH!" to make it sound liek an ocean and it just made us laughhh and laugh. oh those danish! and the GERMANS! AIRPORTS
annnywayy i stayed out until extreme early hours in the morning and he is so fun.
i learned that a) he loves indiana jones and also thinks that harrison ford is sexy, b) he thinks ian svenonious is sexy sexy and god ME TOO man ME TOO!

i have all this hate bottled up inside me right now, so please excuse me while i vent in a big incoherent run-on sentence: i hate parties, i hate cool people, i hate people who think they are cool, i hate people who are concerned with being "cool", i hate scenesters, i hate hipsters, i hate their catch phrases, i hate people obsessed with clothes and that's really all they have going for them (hell yes to looking good but i mean come on there is a line to be DRAWN), i hate gross dirty men like fuck off, and fuck, i hate star wars.

ok can we just hold the train? who wants to say hell yes to drinking their problems away and just get really really fucking DRUNK?! cuz i do

dear Jamie, quit fucking crying at 2am over things that haven't even happened, you pathetic sack of julie-doiron-listening shit. quit doing yr fucking homework and get up and do something that actually means something. quit writing in yr fucking lameo emo journal and go throw stuff at people in the quad. you fucker. love, mom.

there's a hotthothot skateboarder that skates all the time infront of innis. it looks like his name should be alberto benito allevenci. and i shall call him that. i bet his luxurious hair is flowing in the wind as i speak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO YEAH. the next time that peter and david hold aimless skateboard rides in our HALLWAY, i am going to JOIN in and i am going to ENJOY myself and i am going to RULE all skateboarders ever. i mean.. EVER.
david is CUTE, but only in that littlekitten, iwannapinchyrcheeks kinda way
there is this really really geeky guy on my floor. i'm talking, like, literal flood pants and pocket protectors kind of nerdy. it's HILARIOUS. EVERYONE LOVES HIM. his name is morgan and i haven't talked to him much. but today!!! morgan decides to let us all know that "tonight is the NIGHT!!!!" can you believe it!?? yes my friends. morgan is asking out a girl. and by god this girl better say yes, and by god she better be at the same caliber as him, and by god she better violate his special area
by god

i am able to exercise now and that is just glorious to know. i think i'll store that information in the deep deep crevices of my brain.
so if i rupture my spleen, it's fucking zia's fault

life is good and i realized that you know what? like i said, what i am stressing over lately hasn't even happened, there's a chance that it will but it hasn't so what's the point? first, i will bring up my concerns, second, i will make it clear that, basically, death will ensue if i end up having a valid REASON for such concerns
i am awesome.

geoff is glorious. his don ran into him while he was holding a spraypaint can, he had just been spraypainting "brooklyn sucks" on tshirts all over the stairwell in his res. i don't know why i think that's the best thing ever, but i think that's the best thing ever. we also created a new card game called peter cottontail and i dominated that shit. (nts: my record is SIX).
that res is such a piece of shit. i hate the man who works in the cafeteria, i'd really LOVE to punch him in the face. and the people who work at the desk are incompetent. like HI i'm here as a GUEST. i tell them geoff's name, a very simple cute little name. and they put me through to a room whose names are "xexu sieuex" and "sdiuerk kej;;;;;e." so fucking jesus. i just reached over the phone &put the ext number in myself.
i don't have the patience for that shit. end of rant.
all these little girls phone geoff "hiii want to do something!" and i'm just like HEY WHY DON"T YOU HANG OUT WITH LESLIE
kah kah i think it's funny

so, i have been procrastinating to no end, &i'd like it to end now.
i am in dire need of getting work done liek nobody's business
my birthday is in 6 days, geoff's is in 3, and paul's is in 5.

xoxoxo
jlc.

ps i don't know how to pronounce one of my roommates names, and it's come to the point where it's just way too into the year to ask again. we NEVER see her and alice doesn't like her much and neither do i really. but we never see her, so whatev. joanne was all "yeah charisa stopped by" and i said "who?" and she was like "charisa. that girl who lives with us."

11:56 am - 10.02.03

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