vaneigem's Diaryland Diary
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BEING HAVING AND APPEARING
Writing for awhile.
On Friday I made my album cover, well most of it. I still have a bit left to do on it but the general idea is finished. I collaged all the pieces together and glued them there. It looks good for now- dark and shitty. This is for my dark ambient stuff. It is all synthetic, dark, and depressing with nice repetitive melodies. I think I might change it to get rid of the square pieces and do more interesting (ugly) things on the top layers. It's what I wanted though. Here is a teensy picture.
I might not even keep with that, I might get bored of it or do something else in the meantime but for now I'm pretty deadset that this is perfect for what I want and for what it is. It kind of looks really 2002ish and also secret-y and not something you would pick in a store and be like WO! This looks cool. I'm going to get it! which is why I like it.
That day I also read a lot more Debord and other such things which I haven't touched in several months. I wrote about 10 pages or so in my notebook while reading. I did some drawings and collages in my notebook and that was That. It was rejuvenating and I felt like I had forgotten myself all those months. This was basically one of the best days since I can remember. It was on the day that was a complete utta blizzard fest. I said Fuck You to teaching and stayed home. I was really bad. I didn't want to go and didn't care about anything. Abolish work.
I think I had planend to work on music but reading had taken up a lot of my time. I cleaned the shit out of my room and hung out with my roommate for awhile. She cleaned her room. Which meant excavating the filth from her cave, putting it in a bag, and leaving the bags of excavated filth in the kitchen. I took them to the trash box thing in the backyard today because I figured the stress it causes me to look at them time and time again was far beyond any minor physical stress of the muscle to go downstairs and get the job done.
Saturday was kind of nuts. I slept in really late. I went to Marc's bday party that night and it was fun. It got funner by the minute. I saw pretty much everyone who I wanted to see and it was really nice, beyond anything I can describe in words. I had started Marc's mix cd long ago, but never followed through with finishing it only to realize this half hour before his party. So I whipped it up and it turned out okay. I added a secret surprise song and it's the beach boys right in the middle of it all. I got pretty wasted I guess you could say, in a really positive awesome funny way. The workers there were getting really annoyed with us, they were being debbie downers. LIke Bartenders Application: No Debbie Downers Need Apply. Like birthday parties happen here ok???
Hilar. Jackie had an amazing huge button of black flag bars made into exclamation marks. There I am surrounded by beautiful women. Had a long chat with Lola about life. It was also Jes' birthday and she told me she was going to see the Spice Girls that night and I told her about my grade 8 dance performance to Say You'll Be there, landing in the cartwheel-splits. Curtains close.
Then we went to Daryl and Vanessas pizza party. I dont really know Daryl and Vanessa but Geoff and Jake do. It could be Darryl or Daryl. Who da fuck knows. But basically I think it was kind of good but weird. This girl with Adrienne put her hand on this shelf, one of those resting shelves that are just like a slice of wood resting on top of a radiator. Well the wood flipped and the shit that was on the wood fell to the ground and some broke shit. The girl felt super bad obviously and I really felt for her, thinkgin "Wow I'm surprised I didn't do that." Because that's totally something I would do. She super genuinely said sorry to the guy and he was a big asshole about it I thoguht, to be honest. I guess some of things were sentimental value. I dont get why youd have a party and leave little sentimental breakable things on a loose toppable shelf beside the cake and oozles of booze, but whatevesha sha sha. This kind of lit a fuse inside the birthday boy and he thought it was Anthony and Lola and he thought they were drinking his booze when they were actually just drinking a bottle Cam stole from the bar. I was talking to Jimy and Wilson and he started telling them to go home so I kind of avoided eye contact so that I didnt have to go home. In retrospect I should have been more loyal and gone with my troop but since some stayed, I stayed, and Geoff was on his way and I didn't have to wait outside! I'm selfish.
Jake was there and it was cute. Jake and Geoff are bffs back from high school. I reall ylove Jake. Geoff showed up and I saw his face enter in the door and it was so cute. One lens was all fogged up and he was looking about frantically. I think he was being a bit of a Jel but he handles being a jel really well because he has too much lame pride to ever show or admit that he is jel about something, so I can just selectively ignore his obvious jelness when I want and when I dont want.
Anyway it was sweet and then soon after we went to go to another afterparty but we said fuck it and went to Happy Dragon or Lucky Seven or whatever the fuck. They sell beer to you under the table and put it in pop cans apparently. Our drunk meals were disgusting but we were too drunk to care and thought of them more as hangover medicine prevention than food to enjoy. It was a chore. The Flu Shot part II.
The next day it was Sunday, which is mine and Geoff's new US day since it is his day off. We slept the hell in and went to la value village. He got a polo and I got a cool scarf thing. There was a cute fag there who was trying to get me to buy this jacket but it was too nuravery looking for me. Geoff almost bought one of those Cosby type of sweaters and I was really glad he didnt because I hate when guys wear those. A girl it might be different but it just seems annoying to me on men unless it's a particularly exceptional one. Then we went to roncesvalles to have dinner and then watched like 4 episodes of lost because Geoff is hooked and we have to catch up. We are still on Season 1 isn't that hilarious? We are not that much of a TV-y sort of people but Lost is irresistable. And the DVD of my roommate is kicking around so what da heckles. Ummm yeah then I went to the grocery store to get a bag of chocolate chips because they're on sale and I need chocolate in my life. Then we said bye. We had a beautiful fun day!! It is so AMAZING to actually spend a whole DAY(!!!!#@938) with my BOYFRIEND. He is so sweet. That day I really truly felt like a bag of shit so I didnt put any effort into looking good and he told me that I looked beautiful etc. Geoff tells me I look beautiful everyday. He is totz in love with me HELLO. He is a good boyfriend! He also looked really hot etc. And he is a genius, in my opinion n' fitted to my own brain, but also just factually and generally. He is really really smart and always has been.
Jes left me a voicemail, and I checked it and heard all of this rumbling adn then SPICE GIRLS VOICES "alllwayyysss be minnneeee... VIVA FOREVERRRR". She called me so that I could hear a live exclusive viva forever performance. I twas the cutest thing o fm ylife
adn today was today-- I tutored my kids and they worked so fucking hard and I was so proud of them! I am bringing them skittles next session and his brother too because he has a shitty tutor. Made dindin and called my parents. I talked to my mom and we were supposed to see dirty dancing the musical this wekeend but she can't come until feb 27 or something crazy. Which means that i can't go home until then and i was SUPER looking forward to coming home. Though I might anyway, actually. The idea-r just came to me. I might even take a week and go away. I really need some time to get away. I want to see the world, like I mean go away to Sweden. WiseMoneyly, I settle for rural Canada. I think I'll get passport pictures done tomorrow and put in an application asap espec since Geoff and I want to go to NYC this summer. Anyway I just really feel that she ha'sn't really been in my life much lately, my mom, I never hear from her and talking to my grandma I just kind of felt like my mom isn't the best mom that she could be especially lately. She doesn't call me to say hi or anything really. I phone them every Sunday and that is that. That's not really the nicest thing to feel. I got pretty pissed and spoke my mind about this, I got in a moment and then hung up and felt good to have articulated my rage about that. My parents have bene really weird and distant lately. It is probably when I need them most because I am going through a really shitty hard time in my life these past few months but hey they are newly retired and probably entering their own Identity Crises. But whatever. John would tell me that the moth in a cocoon if broke open will get eaten alive but the struggle is natures way of making you stronger it can be applied to other things than lame heroin addicts from shitty bands naemd DRIVE SHAFT. THANKS JOHN.
Anyway it is good to read Debord again and be in love with theory again, in complete utta love love. I missed it so mcuh without even knowing it and it's really waht my life IS basically, are these ideas it is what I have built myself upon I suppose, it's what I walk on everyday and I wear it everyday yet I have distanced myself from it for so long. And that's because all the things in the world that it hates and despises which we all must compromise for and with each and everyday had stolen me away. I mean, in a sense. In everything that I do, I do it because it will be cool for me or would be a good responsibility or whatever. But you know. What I've been doing lately, something doesn't feel right about it, especially lately. And I know it's not in the grand scheme of things. And like Ingmar Bergman says, it sometimes takes more fire to have the courage to put the brake on things than to have the "fire" to pursue something further. I think now is my time to get the courage to realize that I need to put the brake on things. Like, my currently professional life and work situation I mean exclusively. I'm happy with everything else. My friends and Geoff and generally my living situation even though I complain about it. THe world... I let it steal me away but not for long!!!!!!!!!! I am way depressed in my situation right now but I have hope and I'll make changes.
I am kind of into looking at street style blogs when I'm on the iternet right now which is weird. I mean, not seriously but it's kind of cool to look at people's outfits and pretty women and also mens outfits too. I actualyl saw some really cool jeans in H&M the other day with Geoff. They are grey jeans with kind of a weird acid leopard print on the top waist part of the jean, which could sound REALLy lame to you, but they actualyl look really cool and Geoff agrees. I dont need pants but you should get them. Anyway this cute girl said "I guess I would maybe call my style Freestyle" and I thought that was pretty cute. I think it would be cool if there was a street style site and they wrote fake fantasy mini-biographies about each of them based on their outfit. Because I kind of do that in my head. Men just need to get more beanies and Varg VIekrnes haircuts.
12:29 am - 02.05.08
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