vaneigem's Diaryland Diary
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WRITE FROM THE MOMENT
hello my name is JL and i iwll be speaking to you today about today and yesterday and the yesterdays before yesterday.
this weekend i went home again. i wont say much about it but actually yes i will.
on friday i took the train after rushing out of an education conference. i went home, threw shit in my bag, took a shower, because i knew my shower at home woudl suck. but then, everything was hectic around me, and it was like that moment when you're just kinda hanging out eating a peppermint while everyone freaking out around you. no thang galang. i noticed a lot of women wear boots with heels and i'm not sure if i get it. it kind of makes me really YARR because they are misrepresenting women i feel, running down the ramps carrying briefcases in their stillettos at 5pm. they make it look so easy and i secrelty know they're crying inside. its not pretty when i wear heels because a feeling of everyone owing me something takes hostage of my character.
i got home, it was cold and snowy. it was colder than typically-colder-toronto, maybe because we're more northern. i met my mum and she was all honey sunny funny bunny. my parents talk to me sometimes like i am 5 years old and it is really annoying but kinda eye rollish /funny and i have some understanding since i am the precious baby. mostly its just fucking annoying though. we went to the movie store and we got queen and beacuse i said so. both total mom movies. the queen to me looked like the fucking most boring movie on earth to ever exist, and it was. because i said so , diane keaton has always reminded me of my mom so i liked it because she was in it even though her character was annoying, and the movie was okay but the man JOHNNY IN THE MOVIE WAS THE HOTTEST SLICE I HAVE EVER SEEN. major celebrity crushing! I looked him up and his name is GABRIEL MACHT. he is bveautiful! pictures on the internet dont do him any justice so i wont go there. actually i will 
ok never mind no i wont since there is a red X there.
i am dreaming of him at night ooh woo! his character in the movie is so cute. he reminds me of that old TA i had in 2nd year. who by the way, i saw in SS last summer and i nearly had a heart attack. he is now moustachioed.
on saturday i woke up and decided that i'd drive to kingston. doing this is a positive triple whammy; different shopping, seeing friends, opportunity to drive, etc. actually, no etc, because it's a triple whammy. i visited bee and that was cool. i thought about calling meg but then i decided against it... she just had a baby and i felt rude calling that day and being liek " hi im here for 3 hours!" looking back on it i probably should have just called but i felt weird. i went to call bee adn then decided it would be cool to surprise her at work, so i did. for all she knew i was in toronto adn we had been talking the past few weeks about missing each toher. so i get there and she freaks out in the middle of a crazy bakery full of moms and kids and hugs me and says im the best friend in thewhole world. it was cute. we agreed to meet later. i went to the bookstore adn got a book. i went to all those stores downtown and they were all horrible. i went to a bead store and felt weird in ther elike i was interrupting a conversation between two peopel. i guess thats better than that fefeling you get when you walk into a store feeling like you just walked into an awkward one-on-one conversation between you and the person working. i thought about going in into the witch store but it was too far away. basically this is a store that is maksed as new age at the front, but when you go up the stairs, it is really very under the table, the whole top floor is full of capes, spells and spell recipe books and stones and all sorts of dried herbs and weird pictures of one lady, the same lady in all, in a long flowing white dress at the edge of a cliff in all of them. crazy wands and shit. surprisginyly it is not too kitchy. once you see it once youre like whoa im totally going back here and then you go back and its just like oh i saw all this stuff last time and its really boring. ....so i went to indigo books!!!!
at indigo, i bought a novel because i was inspired by the education conference. i feel i should know way more about books and literature than i do so i'm trying to up it a few knotches and picking things i normally wouldn't pick up but that are simultaneously appealing to me.
i also went to the cd store where i basically grew up. if you think blvl ever stocked ayn cool music anywhere you are an extremely misled mad hatter. i would stock up on music at this place in kingston about an hour away. the man who owns it is just this man , this normal looking balding man, but you can't help but have a huge crush on him because you know he is just so fucking cool and way too fucking cool to show that he is too fucking cool. he is like kingstons ian mackaye pretty much. he always hires really cool punk girls and has this old dog that is probably ancient by now, after all this time, actually. i usually try to get one thing whenever i go in there, they have all sorts of shit besides music. i got grey mittens made by some punk girl with strings that you use so they dont fall out of your jacket. i'm not sure what they are called.
bee time- we went to her house. she is extremely slow at getting ready.i met one of her stepsisters who seems kind of weird but she does have social skills and manners, so i'll give her that much. we went out to dinner and then back to the house she was house sitting. this house was beautiful. i was interested to see it because it was a single womans who works at a bakery. i am really interested to see how different types of people live, it's comforting for me to know that if i move to kingston and im single and i ahve a similar income, i can materialistically live like this. the house was beautiful and well put together. it was small and quaint and she had one annoying cat, and another beautiful cute grey one. we chatted and bee had work to do i knew, so i left before i imposed on that work. we hugged and kissed bye and then i drove home.
my parents were having a big party at my house that night, partially why i left that day, and it was still going on when i got back. my dad said something annoying like calling me into the room so everyone could stare at me and ooh and aw and make me feel awkward. i decided to act like a semi angsty 18 year old, half assedly said hello and smiled , got some soda in thefridge, and went to my hole that i sdownstiars. i read and inspired myself. iread and read. i got into a book i didnt read, but was supposed to, in my undergrad.
i niftied the other day and i am really into him alot a lot, way more than i initially was after initial impression. i really respect what he does a lot and i am really intrigued by his makings.
i got back last night, it was good. i talked to geoff on the phone. today i cleaned because cassie and her boyfriend left a feast's worth of mess in the kitchen. it really pissed me off to come home ot that actually, and it pissed me off further that it would still be sitting there had i not done it this morning. it is kind of common sense to do your dishes that night if you use every single pot and pan, especially if you wont have the opportunity should you choose to leave it for the next morning. that took me a good hour.
i tutored and i think one fo my fellow tutors has a crush on me. i can tell because hes always looking at me and i caught him looking at me really weirdly today as he was flattening his shirt onto his patns. it really creeped me the hell out. i have this bad way of being too nice and then reeling them in without knowing it. i am completely repulsed by him. he alos talks really obnoxiously loud for no reason and sometimes as he is talking all i am thinking is "can he just tone it down a couple of notches?" i know that is pretty mean, but it kinda physically hurts sometimes .
onto less boring stuff. tonight j. phoned me and talked about the wild sex she had over the weekend with this guy who she dated and i think it is the dumbest thing that she did that, but whats the point of saying that , it will only make her feel bad and would ruin the fun she had. this guy is the biggest douche ever and he better be respectful to j. or else he will regret it!
geoff and i went out for dinner finalyl we had a night, i had a night with him just me and him, and we made sweet sweet crazy love and i made us tea and we watched tv and then went grocery shopping. i missed him this past week without really knowing it. i guess im sorta getting used to not being around him much and that is kind of sad. i kinda felt bad for not desperately missing him when he did me. i do miss him though. he is really cute. i got him a sweater and he likes it. it was good to hang out with him here. he seems to be doing okay with everything, but i can tell he is really tired. i
i was meaning to write in this for a few days. ill try to write more frequently.
2:24 am - 12.04.07
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