vaneigem's Diaryland Diary
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Wow. I was thinking yesterday how it's been awhile that I've heard a band that I loved alot, like a band that I can attach myself to in some way rather than liking certain songs from different people. It is more about creating memories and growing through different tastes and inspirations. Not to say my tastes are broad to begin with but I'd like to know a lot about a lot, is the goal. I'm only 22 so far. Anyway, I heard this band that was played at the show on Friday at Chrry Beach and now I have downloaded it and its beautiful.
That show ruled by the way. Eric and I both had shitty days so we went to that show. Drank at my house and then went up to Scarborough. We walked with sook yin from much music to the place which was funny. We shook hands and she said " i'm sook yin" and in my head im just like DUH but I pretended it was new knowledge. I felt it would be weird to be like " yeah I Know" but maybe it is more weird for her to get people who have no idea or pretend they don't have nay idea? Whatever. That place got cancelled so we were just going to go home but the fight had been pretty significant so we just went for it adn went to the Beaches. fuck dat. I errr borrowed my roommates bike (bbaaaad...) and went on down. It was fun. When we got there it looked beautiful. It was black with torches, right on the shore under a tent thing with mist coming off the lake. It was totally surreal. Definitely the coolest show I have ever been to. Too bad it got shut down by the cops. These dancers showed up and I thought it was horrible. They danced to the slits for some reason. Maybe it's just beyond my ideas and I don't get it. Eric was bothered by some things but I felt that he was above it and handled it really well. It rained going home and my bike kind of broke somehow and it was just funny. Good story at least.
In the past month I've become increasingly disenchanted by a select few relationships with my friends. Most people whom I never rendered that important, anyway. But it still feels bumming sometimes. I think my goals and interests are changing. It feels weird though because at the same time I feel .. umm... zen about it all I guess. There's no hostility.
School is out and I"m back to being 18 years old. The way I thought of university in my mind, was that I would take these four years, work really hard and put everything on hold. And then take what I learned there adn go bizerk. Now I want to put all my ideas out there. I want to write, read closer into some things, and get active. I want to be practical and pragmatic in my action and totally retardedly idealistic in my mind. I live in my dream world. I am going to work my (figurative) ass.
Today was my last day of tutoring. It takes up about 4 hours of my day somehow. I suppose an hour walking, an hour tutoring, an hour to prepare and then an hour discussing with the staff afterwords. I organized parties for both of my sessions because the other tutors didn't take that initiative. The last party was kind of dry but this one ruled. Jesse was breakdancing it up and kids were going apeshit laughing. It ruled. Tally made me a card . She is so cute. We played a game of hangman and her phrases spelt out " I will miss you" and "I love you" . Jesus! One of the teachers gave me a mug with their school thing on it. Which is really cute and I am going to cherish that mug until I am like 9898 years old. I am getting with another organization soon, I hope, but it is going to be a lot more intense. Which means it'll be more high-profile. It is another at-risk kids thing, but they are recruited from psychiatrists, children's aid agencies, and some schools too. People freak out about that but it's all a stereotype. THese kids are often just stressed and have really low self-esteem. Sometimes you can't change it but sometimes you can. I suppose I am talking like I know everything but I mean more that there is a lot more to know and I think it's all really complex. I've learned most that commitment is a huge thing. If you don't go to work, you're giving a child a sense of abandonment. I really want to move my way up in education. I want to develop new theories to education, I want to be an activist, I want to work with Rwandese curriculum in California.
LOL. I like the BYE! at the end. The back has " Talita + Jamie = FRIENDS" and "I <3 U " all over it. She was actually REALLY sad and I kind of wonder.
I bought headphones today, they were only $5 so i'm really skeptical. It is impossible to find the right headphones.
RIght now I'm really not into eating for some reason. I like it. I think it is a lot about just being money-conscious. I don't need to snack; my body doesn't need it.I dont need to eat 3 meals a day, either. I just want to give myself the proper nutrients, al lthe right minerals and vitamins and stop there. Anything further is just eating money. We'll see how it goes.
I met this new guy named Arien. He is totally totally totally amazing and I think what he is doing in the " art world" is really fucking important right now. It would be amazing to organize a show with his stuff. That is something I'd like to do again soon, is curate an art show but now in the city. I'm glad I did a little INnis thing where if I totally fucked it up, it's not like I"m going to embarrass myself infront of that many peopel anyway. Now I feel more confident.
I am excited for Jimmy to come back actually, we have been talking again lately. He seems happier and I'm not too sure what's going on in his head, but I just hope hes doing what he wants and I think he is and I"m proud of him even though that makes no difference. He is such a good guy. Hes pretty much never said a bad thing about anybody and if he does have something non-positive its always very reasonable. I like that about him. Big heart that guy.
Things with Geoff are going good. He has been nuts busy. I feel really bad for him but I"m also really proud that he is working so hard. It's difficult on us sometimes, and we handle it in different ways. He is sort of oblivious because he's too busy too care and I just miss him and get mad sometimes. And then I feel bad. But thats pretty retarded so Ive had some insights. ITs kind of a new dynamic I think we are learning to deal with and were both kind of testing the waters on wahts acceptable and what isnt. That is dififcult to determine when put in exceptional circumstances because social standards can't really dictate the norms here. I was pretty sure we were going to kill each other last week. We are so alike that it is terrifying, including being totally stubborn and vicious someitmes. Probably because we are both libras. He is my love . He was sweet to me today. He is the only person who has ever heard one of my songs. I am making him a cd tonight. Sometimes he says really cute things to me out of nowhere if we are eating dinner or something. Geoff is just really cute and tender sweet.
I have a lot to read for my course but it should be okay. I think I will apply to some places tomorrow for a job. A part time job, my course, and volunteering should keep me quite busy. Ive been pretty relaxed the past few weeks, but no matter how wsomeone pushes me I"ll always get my own time to do things. Getting shit done comes in spurts. That is probably the unintentionally grossest sentence I have ever written.
Bunnies
fly
beside birds
9:48 pm - 05.30.07
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