vaneigem's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So many people of a strange kind telling you just what to do with your mind Paul sent me Human Ear things, and there is a song on the various artists part that Ariel does which is the most honest, simplest, best song in the fucking world with this common simple childlike melody. It is the saddest most painful numbish thing I've ever heard in fact. It's called "Why am I so sad ". He just sounds numb and removed and the lyrics are so sad (duh). There is something about Ariel which is super accessible and relatable and just really fucking simple and I think that is basically what he is about. Genev and Ariel embody a lot of what I want to be when I am in my late 20s (minus the drugs, and minus music as my primary job). I have always lived a duel life. I need normal things, regular jobs, different sets of friends, and then I need to go into isolation and be a completely different person. Live by retreat. I think it's hard for me to have a boyfriend for this reason. I like having a boyfriend a lot though. It is cool. Sometimes I feel that adults are so boring these days. Everyone is jaded and un-isolated. It's always been that way though.... in high school you feel the same way, except that people are just boring and instead of being jaded by the pangs of reality, they just get joy from being jerks to people for no good reason, or maybe they just have issues. I am writing a song right now called "You got issues (you have issues)". What else is frickin new. When I'm older I want to lead a normal life with dinner parties and have kids but have it be really fun and interesting and everyone be making stuff, and playing fun records and life just being super welcoming, chill, and inviting. I want to have a really safe, loving household that promotes creativity and is non-judgmental. No one has to think a certain way but is respectful of everyone else's opinions. I didn't have that type of childhood. Last night I did the call for submissions flyer which turned out a lot better than I was willing to make it, I was just going to put a bunch of words on a page but I figure I need to put in a bit of effort if I want to get back some effort. This thing is not a big deal at all but I want to give the illusion that it is. I want to provide a place where people can feel special about their art even if that is just one night. After this I might go into high schools and work with art teachers to put on professional art shows for their students. Everyone can dress up and there will be art openings and kids can bring their parents and it would be really cool. Maximum joy "searching for a feeling" is one of the best songs I've heard this year. It is totally totally sweet. It is that type of song you listen to when you wake up super early, feel good about it, you have time to shower and have breakfast and a little extra, you hop out of your house, ready for the day. You put this song on and hop on down the street and everyone is walking on clouds playing with bunnies. YOu see disgruntled people and that is their own problem, not yours. I came home for a break because I feel sick from the coffee I had in class today. I talked to my professor about Shanghai today and this woman inside SS about Cuba. She tried to sell me books which really sucked. It's funny these Socialist people hunting you down getting you to buy their books like business people, I really distrust a lot of people in the student socialist movement. I hear a lot of those Marxist groups, guys will reel you in to date and fuck you, just to get you dedicated to the " socialist cause." El communismo! I am kind of a socialist-democrat I'd say. I like some forms of capitalism. I think capitalism is beneficial for a lot of countries right now, when balanced. Social Democracy is very appealing and charming and it makes a lot of sense. Marxists are outdated and are losers that talk about some lame revolution that isn't even practically feasible anymore. That's just my opinion. I am going to go to the mall now and get crazy carpets. Me and Geoff are hanging out tomorrow and it is going to rule so hard I am super excited. Also I think I need to get an ink cartridge.... I have $54 to last me two weeks. I have to plan food. If i buy an ink cartridge, I'll have $14 for 2 weeks. C'est la vie. I also have to read ob. and I want to say intelligent things in class today because I haven't said anything since this course beguna nd I feel kinda lazy about it. Things are starting to get bus-ay. Never ever land what ever. I listened to the same Jay-Z song today over and over. Tonight I think I'm going to say fuck you and have some fucking bread with butter. Bread with butter is the new chocolate bar it seems. I also have some sole I need to eat. I am clearly procrastinating and need to get back out into the world. BYE 1:30 pm - 03.08.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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