vaneigem's Diaryland Diary

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Life after Breakfast

I'm kind of thinking about curating an art exhibition by students in this space at my college. I really want it to be open to whatever, but I also don't want shit like drawings of Fred Dirst (I actually don't know how to spell his name. Durst? who cares) or something showing up. In one way I'm conflicted of maybe asking for some secret treasury or uhhh the regular college treasury so that there can be a " judging " and " prizing" cuz then someone will end up with some cash that can help them pay tuition. Judging art is just kind of gross but I guess maybe if there was a theme that could get done easier. And I guessI'm being really lame by not liking to associate art with moeny-making because I think thats one of the most respectable ways to make it, so I dont really know. Im getting in tight with administration through my job. I also may start working/volunteering at the ROM and I'd get free passes to new exhibitions or whatever, and get into lots of museums in other cities like NYC for free! Though I never go there and that would be useless. But still, cool! we';ll see if i go through with it. I may just have the time for it this year.

Im on a huge bjork kick since seeing that new matthew barney film, it was beuatiful i thought. I didn't really understand a lot of it, and I was running on this theory that the two characters were in two separate boats and that they come together and that is supposed to, like, symbolize that shinto creation story or whatever and i thought i was so awesome for getting it, and then they ended up being on the same boat and my dreams werre crushed i guess. But it was beautiful and i was completely taken by it the whole time, and really nice music, download "ambergris march" from that soundtrack.

I'm a bit taken aback by extra work I am doing and have to get on my actual school work ,especially because I think I can do really well this year. I'm starting to kind of realize that I get better grades than most people in my classes, its' weird to realize because everyone is super hush hush about it at this school. I mostly know cuz i got invited to some sort of like honour society because I am top 10% of my class apparently, whcih really surprised the living fuck out of me. Maybe its not true and just a ploy to recruit membership? My friend Leonard said probably not because a few companies and banks also sent letters with it which is strange. I don't try nearly as hard as I should. It sort of opened my eyes that maybe I should try harder and maybe I can get on the top 5 because that's not too far, little did i know. Maybe I could get some sort of scholarship and getting my phD wouldn't be so far fetched as i thought, though I don't think I want to do school for that long. IM not thrilled at the idea of staying in academia but getting to write with some recognition would be really awesome.

I've been thinking about business stuff lately, the business of life and having money to survive when I'm old in order to get the shit that I want in order to be happy (uh a house and enough food to live and uh a dog and a cottage if i end up living in the city or if i marry someone who wants to or if i have kidszz). Im almost 21!!! It's time to start thinking about pre-reqs. I have a general plan with my life but I would be happy pursuing a lot of things and im pretty flexible with whatever, apparently the average person goes through 6 serious jobs before they stick with it. That's pretty weird. I was brought up with this deceptive notion that everything works out for everyone if you just go with the flow. It's especially deceiving considering my dad got to go to school and inherited a lot from my millionaire globetrotter great-uncle (we are not millionaires). and my moms family lived off the fruits of sir bata himself in a primarily czech immigrant city. but they worked hard. if neither of those things happened i'd never probably been born. it's crazy the amount of relative luck that my parents have experienced and i have kind of seen it as a normal thing. the concept of meritocracy is obviously glossy and naive. times have really changed i think and its pretty scary to think that a lot of people who go to university end up homeless. though i have a substantial safety net waiting for me, i still have a lot to secure. geoff always made me feel pretty guilty about that. not intentionally, i think it was just his way of making me feel better when i was worried about stuff and i really appreciated that about him because it always reminded me to recognize my own privilege. but at times it just ended up making me feel shitty as if i shouldn't be stressed about naything and i have my whole life figured out because, ooh, i have some money waiting for me in 3 years. I've always been really scared to just fall into this drifting type of aim, like just going with the flow, rather than setting high goals for myself.

anyway. i have been really fucking busy, i have been going out every night, doing spontaneous shit every night, it's been really great but it's time to crack down.

Tonight I went to York University for Jenene's art show, it was pretty good I thought. I wasn't too impressed with anything, but Jenene is really great and I can appreciate what she does. Meredith and I were kind of jerks and gorged on the free wine and crackers. I don't know what has happened to me, but I got totally tanked after a glass of wine. York has a really nice fountain. I've been meaning to visit Anne there, a friend from high school.
The night before Michelle, not my sis, but a roommate from the summer, called me up and asked if I would go for a walk with her, I thought she was upset so I left thinking we were going to walk around chill. Jenny shows up (in the nicest coat ever btw) and we all went down Bloor which was dead and a bummer and then went down and to some bars, it was pretty good times. They're both wicked people. Jenny is in TV commercials, its funny. She starred in this movie in Hong Kong I guess when she was 14 or something in which she had to make out with a man in his late 30s. WEirrrd. She has a random british accent here and there, liek when she says the words "dancer" and "rubbish". And she is kind of seeing some boy heart throb popstar that i will not mention because thats a bit underwraps, its pretty funny though. i dont have much in common with these girls, like i couldn't talk to them about music and art and other cultural shit but they are wicked to just hang out and laugh with and good people you can trust. It was cool.

I guess Im going to see Khanate tomorrow, pretty exciting. And then the gossip and to zoes party, the girl is turning like fuckng 30 or something. I should make her a card out of that japanese paper i got. I dont really know her too well though. i thinkt he party will be fun. the last party i was at was taryn's and i had the funnest time of my life. Taryn is this really funyn girl i used to work with and she got a house with some other dudes. their house is gross and decorated as if a typical college student would decorate it (beatles posters, though some of those were nice, but like EVERY beatles poster you could ifnd, and liquor bottles and crap). and they got 4 kegs or something so yes wow A KEG party. and they were playing really lame music, like seriously, not fun party music at all. so meredith and i and some of our buddies in the kitchen were like wtf so we were jerks and put on what we wanted to hear. i moved the kitchen table to block the entrance. and dan is amazing

I have like 4 songs done without vocals and i think they are ok but im working on vocals. it's hard for me to write lyrics, and i thought that would be the easiest part. its by far the toughest part, to get the right rhythm and have it correspond with the amount of syllables in each line. this poetry class im doing is really helping me with some really interesting techniques i thought about it, like with making use of iambs and caesuras and stuff. the only voacsl i have done is through a beat slicer which really softens and distorts a bit how i sound actually, and im pleased with that, but certainly cant go on like that any further. i got acid which i used for the audio in our film work and when i was trying to make crap with ashley's bass (huge disaster) but its a really amazing program. unforuatelntle i only have the demo and it costs like $400. i might get mark to lend it to me, i guess him and that bennett guy do films and shit and they have a lot of equipment.

im super into burzum and devendra banhart and origami lately.

that christopher dude was supposed to be writing a situationist dictionary and i guess maybe that would be cool to get in on.

and im big crushin' hard on someone i have had a crush on for a bit now. i think im going to have a heart attack if he gets any more amaizng. im not sure ifthe feeling is exaclty mutual, i am being oblivious about something and im not sure on what end. but yeah i dont know and i dont care, i think he is beautiful, no agreement needed.

good on it!

1:24 am - 09.22.05

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