vaneigem's Diaryland Diary

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2468 appreciate

mussic: moving units

ok uhm WHY CAN'T I DO WORK!?? please tell me?
i am trying to make work fun, and giving myself sweet sweet rewards for working, but i think i'm going a little overboard. like... "once i get this reading done, i can eat dinner. AND IF YOU DON'T READ IT, YOU FUCKING STARVE. FUCKER."
ahahha... ha.. hah......ha.....h..

OK

i don't even know what i have been doing with myself lately. like... today i made jello. and talked to some of alice's friends. and got some textbooks. jesus.
i really like alice. she is my "favourite roommate". her and joanne. joanne has a fucking hilarious friend named nichola and that guy is just fantastic. we really hit it off.

so i went to a film class and i hate hate haaated it
probably because it is film THEORY
and, to me, that's like studying art THEORY
ugh
i can totally understand the interest there, because they ARE showing some rad films. but it's definitely not something i want to "study"
not for me
i have respect for the people who can withstand that because i really did WANT to love it...

i am sticking with philosophy. i am really happy with my decision. it goes quite well with my other courses, and i really do enjoy it. there is just a lot of work and it can be rather trying. but i enjoy it, and the fact that i find it really difficult but still enjoy it, tells me a little about how i'm gonna work at that course
i guess i am a loser, cuz i LOVE learning
yeah that's right biatch
i will get way more out of this than film schmudies
and plus, my TA wore her hair in pigtails and i just wouldn't be able to take that

geoff went to his mom's for the weekend and i really miss him a lot. i realized some things and realized how much i blow things out of proportion sometimes. sometimes i can turn very minor issues into huge dilemmas and i don't know. there was no need for me to react the way i did, even though the reaction was jsut in my head. i suck so i started thinking about all this after a certain thing happened.
the other night this guy who messages me on aim or whatever called me at my place. which, i don't know, is pretty weird since he's only talked to me a few times, but i don't really care about much anymore. so we were talking and i realized how FEW guys i actually LIKE. he seemed uninterested and like he was trying to act all suave and blahhh. that doesn't mix well with me. i like people who are real and (re)act in real natural ways. some people like to act distanced and uninterested to make themselves feel cool and important and they think maybe that other people will think the same thing and chase after them.
well i think people like that r boring and a waste of my time
ugh what a nightmare
i don't want to talk to him again!!! but he's like "i'll phone you on monday and we can do something next week" gah.. he had to like PRY my phone number out of me and i really don't want to talk to him and ESPECIALLY NOT hang out with him. so what the hell do i say? "uhm.. nah. i'll pass"??? wtf!

all that made me realize that i am lucky to have a healthy relationship with an amazing person who i love to death and who loves me to death back
someone who doesn't get all caught up in the bullshit of scenes and drama and someone who is caring and not afraid to express their emotions
AND likes '80s pop culture as much as i do!
sure g can be clingy, but that is kind of natural when you are just starting out
not that it isn't an issue anymore, becasue it is, but i guess i'm saying that it's a really small issue that can (and will) be dealt with so easily
i was thinking about this yesterday when he and i took the shortcut after philosophy class and i just stopped and hugged him without saying anything ahah. it was funny. he didn't shave for a couple days and i noticed something "you know... sometimes you look a little like vincent gallo."
-"oh!...well is that a good thing?"
HA, HA, HA. uhmmmm

ANYWAY i think i was just scared to turn out like m. and how she was with her ex boyfriend. but i know for a fact that i could never end up like that even if i tried

yesterday i got a winter coat but i'm not sure if i'm going to keep it. i got a hair cut too, i needed one
i think next time i am going to get my hair cut (relatively) really short
i need to get new shoessss! ahh plllease
i was having a really bad mono day yesterday, i was really tired the whole time and i almost fell asleep on the subway a couple times

starting next week, i have fridays off, therefore, 3 day weekends. for all eternity that is the school year. this will be awesome.

ok i'm tired of typing and i'm clearly procrastinating

4:30 pm - 09.20.03

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