vaneigem's Diaryland Diary
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- random & foto
I'm tired and have a headache right now. I feel mentally exhausted and it's pretty much from all the amazing shit that has been happening. I wonder what will happen to some of my friends especially the ones I feel a bit distnaced from right now and didnt even hear anything from on my birthday. I'd like to say that I understand and that it is cool but it just sort of makes you wonder. I think when you enter relationships you tend to invest everything into that other person and leave other people as second priorities. I am learning that friends should always be first priority.
I have bene thinking about Saturday night and I really dont feel that way with any of them. That night, as I went on endlessly about, was beautiful, but almost too intense for it to be normal between a group of friends. I'm not even really sure what that means or where I'm going with that. i've just been thinking about it. Jesse told me that I am a girl to marry. I'm not sure what he meant, but he told me that I am not fleeting. I think that is my problem. I had a hard time this summer to be honest with you. I kind of fall for people and then screw myself over, I'm just such a naive person and it feels a bit scary to get so intense with friends that way.
I am listening to a mix right now that I made myself, it's a pretty mix, consisting of pretty dreamy songs.
Last night was cool, I'm getting a bit selfishly sick of birthday celebrations, but this was the last. About 9 of us went out to that insomnia place or whatever and then came home and they surprised me with cake. John came and I was flattered because he is a good person. I can see that Joanne is struggling with something and I want to be there for her but I know that this is something she has to figure out on her own.
I'd like to think that I love everything simple and I hate drama but sometimes things are just complicated and I dont truly think anyone would prefer it that way anyway.
I talked to B she couldn't show up for my birthday which was too bad. She seemed incredibly sad about not making it, but I think it wasmore because she missed out on hanging out with Jesse than being there on my birthday. I got this really jealous vibe from her when I told her what we did and its just the way she is. As soon as I mentioned andre might come, she seemed increasingly interested. But then I got over myself and now I dont even care. At first it upset me a bit, but then I realized that is just the way shit goes with her and its a bit charming even. We are close enough that we can be cool and forgiving of that trivial shit.
Stuff is weird and huge and Im restless and I never want to sleep.
I need to work harder and think harder and have a tighter schedule. I need to be more organized and productive and efficient. I am bored and then surprised by Toronto everyday.
I want to be on that farm right now.
here are some photos, most old that i found/ i have a bunch of new ones that i'll put on my livejouranl or whatever soemtime in my life
this is my friend jenny
old show in blvl when i was uh 16 i think of bug and his band
andre mike and dan playing a werid show with a stage i remember this one,
charles at wrestlermaa
some guy, jay, and beth. jay was awesome and is actually really beautiful despite this photo and beth was that amazing girl who taught me the trick to slayer solos at anna's party that one time. she is the best funnest nicest person ever and if i am ever cool sometime in my life, i have her to thank
that is my best friend bee. i still make fun of those dreads she had to this day. and our scary old british friend, "crazy carla," ppl actualyl called her thatm and all she did was talk to me about black label beer when i was straight edge, pretty funny
huh huh
meghan's older borthers friends when they had backyard wrestling when they were like 15 and we were like.. 14? this move is called the trash compactor or something
wahts up i won a fucking costume party
what the fuck have you done
8:19 pm - 10.11.05
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